In The Ruins...

Chapter 19

Rohan's POV

So yet again, I was successful in fucking things up. Yet again I was successful in hurting people around me. I guess I'm just getting better at it with each passing day. I just don't deserve any of these people around me.

Why? Just why I have to kiss her when I always knew she still loves Rahul with all her heart even when it's been years since he left her. Damn! She even joins his surname to hers. Still, I couldn't stop myself from kissing her.

I admit, I always have been attracted towards her, maybe more than just an attraction. I've always been attracted by her beauty but when have I not been physically attracted to women! But she was different its not just her body that attracted me, it was the way she made me feel around her, so calm and peaceful. I've never felt that since so long but she has it in her. Just her mere touch could set me free and I craved for it. I lost count of the times I desperately wanted her lips against mine and when I finally had it I feel like I've sinned her. But I don't regret kissing her, it felt so right and it still feels so right even when I know I ended up ruining our friendship.

I know she won't ever accept me in her life. Ever! Because she still is madly in love with Rahul and I respect that. I always have. Yet I couldn't stop myself from kissing her. I hurt her yet again. Hurt her? No, I just broke her completely.

I feel ashamed of myself. I feel guilty for betraying her. For breaking her into pieces. For breaking her trust. God! I hate myself to the core. I can't and won't ever forgive myself for hurting her.

But then again, I'm not surprised at all. I have been doing this since ages. First, my own parents left me. Then Abhi, Shanaya and Jeet. Then...

Then the person who gave me everything when I had nothing. The person who was always there when I had no one by my side. Who helped me in my worst times. Who gave me my first chance in music. Who is the reason I'm here today. Who gave me the friends I have today. The people I can call my friends.

And what did I do? I took everything away from him. EVERYTHING!!! That night changed everything. That night I lost everything. And since then I have been running away. I don't think still after eight years I'm able to face the reality.

A tear rolled down from my eyes involuntarily as my past flooded my mind. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to handle these things anymore. I just want to go into past and change everything I can.

10 years back...

It was summer when I came to Mumbai with just one hope. To become one of the biggest and best musician of all time. I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to prove it to my father that I can be something, and I'm not a failure. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to tell him that I can do much more without being his son.

The city was a complete stranger to me. I had been to Mumbai before but this was different. This was going to be my new home. This was my hope. This city is known as "the city of dreams". Many people come every day with so much hope. But just a few of them have the luck to live their dreams. I desperately wanted to be one of them. I had to work hard, so hard.

But the thing was I had no one. I was all by myself. I knew no one here. I had no place to go. I had limited money. And I had to survive with this much for God knows how much time. If I was lucky enough then everything will be fine but if not... Still, I'll find a way. I won't ever give up. I can't give up!

It was new me and a new beginning. I felt like the whole burden of being a rich father's rich son was lifted off my shoulders. I can be myself, true self. I no longer have to behave like others would expect of me, I no longer have to attend those boring business parties and I no longer have to hear that I'm useless. I'm far away from them now. Whatever money I had with me I earned it on my own. I was ready to do anything to survive and live my dreams. I was sick of hearing the amount of money my father had spend on me and how I was never worthy of it. I had it enough in that big mansion where I could not take a moment of peaceful breath. But here I felt free. I no longer have to please anyone, I can live my life by my own rules and make my dreams come true.