Tom Holland/Peter Parker Imagines

#34 (Peter Parker) My Sun

A/n- Just a heads up. There is some hints towards depression and anxiety in this one. 

I walked home from school. Throwing my backpack across the room, before falling on to my bed. I let the comfortable sheets consume me.

 I could have fallen asleep then and there. Could as in, if my brain was not the reason for my insomnia. Keeping me up as long as humanly possible.

The last two weeks i had gotten close to seven hours sleep. I sit up looking around. Maybe it just was me... maybe it was all my thoughts. Maybe i just shouldn't care.

 I stare at my phone in my hands. Peter's contact open, my finger floating over the call button. It hovered there for a while, the sides of my brain in warfare.

 He told me i could always call him if he needed to talk. But why would i shove all my problems on to him. He was so happy, so bright. I didn't want a single cloud to ever rain over him. My problems would hurricane over him.

I throw my phone across my bed. It lading in the safety of a pillow. I paced around my room some more. I cant talk to anyone about this... i can't even talk about this out loud to myself. I stared out the window. As i suspected the sky was full of darkness, gloomy a visual reputation of my brain.

 I was trapped there, in the darkness. I knew i would never escape it. That's why i love Peter so much. He is the only friend or person that can make me smile. Even when everything inside is torture, he brings a strange sun light with him. That's why i was certain i wasn't going to tell him about my struggles.

I refuse to ruin him. I refuse to bring a singular rain drop to his brightness. I walk out of the window, landing on the fire escape. The cold wind nipping at my exposed skin. I curled my hoodie closer to my face, the wind fighting against it.

 I climb up the ladder, the cold metal making my hands sting. I could smell the rust caused by a past rain showers. I finally got up, i looked out over the edge. Heights never have bothered me, and yet i felt danger nearby. I took a step back, inhaling deeply.

I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to hurt others anymore. I take a large step up on to the edge. I raised my arms, staring at the five story fall. "Don't jump." a nervous, worried voice yelled. I didn't turn around, knowing who it was.

 "Please don't jump..."he begged at my side. I turn to look at him, my eyes watering. A small nervous laugh left me. I felt his eye scanning in to my face. "The world was so colourful when i was young." i nod to the sky. "Before i realised that this world is not filled with fairies and gumdrops." i scoff at my own analogy.

"It's filled with lies, pain and emotions." i swing my legs back and forth over the edge. "It's okay." a voice strained. "No." my bluntness made him lean back. "It's not. I would have jumped a long time ago." i sigh, he carefully moved closer. 

"Why?" he asked, large white eyes still scanning. "Why, good question. Why... because my life is not useful to anyone. Why i haven't jumped yet? I was being selfish." I spill my thoughts out.

"Selfish?" he pressed. "I didn't want to leave my best friend, his name is Peter." the spider hero nodded. "I didn't want to leave him. He brings small but amazing rays of sun shine down on me. And sometimes all those clouds, they go away. He's the only sun in my word. But i don't want to hurt him." i mumble, staring off at the dark clouds.

"Wouldn't you hurt him move by jumping?" he whispered, confusion in his words. "When i'm sad he gets sad. So i always keep it to myself, keep him happy. I love him too much to even be the reason for his face to crease." the thought made a shiver crawl up my spine. 

" I know if i ever told him, he would just try to talk me out of it. Hurting himself in the process. And i guess maybe it might hurt him slightly when i leave... but he'll move on." tears falling off the building. I pull myself up, my feet planting on the edge of the roof.

I inhale once more. "Wait y/n." a begging whisper. "It's okay spidey, i don't want to be saved." i smile at the dark clouds. 

Knowing they would be gone. "Y/n look at me" he pulls my shoulders towards him. It forced me to step down from the roofs edge and look in his eyes.

Peter stood there, eyes red from crying. "p-please, please d-don't." he whimpered. I stared at him in the once non important suit. I feel myself gasp for air, my chest tightening. 

"Y/n, breath... breath" he held my shoulders so i would not fall. I tried to breath in, every breath constricting my throat close. "Karen what's wrong?" he panicked.

I look at him, who the hell is Karen. "She is having a panic attack, commonly caused by stress, anxiety or shock." a robotic voice spoke next to him. "How can i stop it?" he held my face with concern. 

"Calming her down may help." that voice spoke again. He thought for a second, my breathing fastened. Then before i could gasp again, i was in a warm tight hug. His arms comforting me .

"Please calm down y/n." he pleaded. I took in some deep, shaky breaths. My heart rate slowly came back down. "Peter?" i mumbled, throat still hurting. 

"Yes" he pulled back to look at my face. He wasn't meant to know any of that, why would i tell him that. I covered my mouth, keeping the gasp inside. "Karen it didn't work." his stressed voice made me cringe. "No, no i'm fine..." i lied, freaking out inside.

Peter stared at me for a second to make sure. I smiled at him, it caused pain to smile. We stood there for a moment, each second made my anxiety grow. Then Peter grabbed my waist, pulling me far away from the edge of the building. 

"Y/n, i promise you i will help you. Everyday i find something to make you smile, i'll be there. You can talk to me, or push all your issues on me. Cause i will only be happy if your still here...alive. without you i don't think i could smile anymore." his face creased with determination.

I just stared at him. "I love you y/n..." he whispered, still scanning my face. I felt my sadness melt away for a moment. My sun bringing a beautiful warmth in its place.

 I pulled him into a hug, my heart felt as though it healed slightly. "I promise i'll try to help you." he said stern. "Okay." my out of breath whisper back gave away my shock. 

A/n- This was requested, i'm sorry if it is uncomfortable for anyone to read the thoughts.