Tom Holland/Peter Parker Imagines

#36 (Peter Parker) I scare myself

I was just about to finish the last line of my report. Spinning a pencil around in my hand, it sometimes hitting the desk. I push the pencil down on the paper writing down the next sentence. 

I continued writing, my cursive writing taking up more room than necessary. Even writing a word like 'because' took up almost half a line. I threw my pencil with intense force, it sticking straight into the wall next to my door.

"Jeez lil' assassin, i just wanted to tell you lunch is ready." i let out a sigh of relief. "Sorry Tony..." i walk over to my door. Yanking out the pencil from the wall. "i heard the door open" i confess, feeling guilty. 

He creased his eyebrows making sure not to take a fast step. I frown back at him,"I want to keep my hand if that's okay with you.". Tony slowly walked away hands up in surrender. I grimaced at him, knowing that he would not come near me for the rest of the week.

I walk to the kitchen, spinning the pencil in my hand. "Hey y/n." a cheerful grin meet my eyes. "Pete." i nod to him. He smirks a flirtatious smirk. Peter was turning 20 this week, we (the Avengers) we're planning something. 

"How has your morning been?" he winks at me, i pretend to ignore it. "Threw a pencil at tony, i made a hole in the wall..." i admitted drinking some orange juice. Peter laughed shaking his head.

"I was wondering why he looked so spooked." he smiles up at me. Peter and i had a strange relationship, we were not together. Yet we always flirted with one another, at least i think we did. 

Sometimes Peter would go through great lengths to see me. Or to "slyly" brush his hand past mine. "Well i did almost stab him with a pencil. But he should know better then to sneak up on an assassin." i mock. Peter keeps smiling his dazzling smile, staring into my eyes. We stayed that way for awhile, he was frozen.

"Hey love birds, training has started." Clint poked his head out to tell us.Picking up my pencil (about a tap away from snapping) and stand up straight. 

We both follow him back to the training room, like nothing had ever happened. Clint opened the door, Peter held it for me. "Thank you." i grinned at him.

I walked in to see Natasha and Steve battling it out. I heard rapid footsteps coming towards me. I turned around, throwing that same pencil at the foe. I heard a loud grunt, my eyes go wide.

 "Peter?" i run over to Pete, who now had a pencil speared into his left shoulder. He grinned at me, "I tried to sneak up on a assassin." he admitted. I covered my mouth staring at the pencil. "I'm sorry..." i panic. He waves my concern off.

"Advanced healing, remember?" he grips the pencil, pulling it out with a grunt."It's fine." he smiled. I go to tend to his wound ignoring him.

 "I don't care if you had metal skin, let me see it!" i frown at him. He sighs, letting me look at it, it was already healing. I let out the breath i had being holding since the pencil left my hand.

"See, i'm fine." he reassured me. I turn to look back at the now quite training room. "Y/n are you okay, you've been a bit jumpy lately." Steve looked at me, furrowing his eyebrows. 

"Yeah, yeah i'm okay." i lied. I had been having nightmares lately, people i've killed, people killing me, hurting someone i love... killing someone i love. I turn back to Peter after apologizing for interrupting. "I'm going to go and try not to stab someone with a pencil." i point over my shoulder.

"I'll join you." he walked next to me. Our hands brushing against each other like they always did. "Hey, do you want to spar?" I look up at Peter's words. "Okay, but no sneaking up on the assassin." i point an accusing finger at him. He just nodded and laughed. I lock my eyes with his, waiting for his first move.

He sprinted towards me, just before i could swing at him he jumped over my head. Sticking to the high ceiling, staring down at me. He had a smirk shining over his pursed lips.

 I turn to the wall, running up it as high as i can. Pushing off it, flying towards Peter. I see his eyes widen with shock, jumping down to dodge my attack. I roll along the ground to soften my landing. I look up to lock my eyes back with him, though i had no idea where he went. I stand up searching for him, i look up.

 A body engulfing my, making me slide across the ground. I grab an arm that was around my waist, pulling it off me. With all my speed i attack his chest. Knowing it would stun him for long enough for me to regain my breath. I elbowed and punched my way free of his grip.

Then a new hand was on my shoulder, adrenaline pumping. I take hold of their arm, flipping them over onto the ground in front of me. Straddling them, hands wrapped around their neck. After a few heart beats i get off them.

 I stare at the worried expression on Steve's face. "i-i'm sorry... i have to go." my eyes threatened to spill the new tears. I ran off, making my way to my bedroom.

Slamming the door behind me, the hinges whimpered from the force. Once i sat down, cross legged, on my bed... i let the tears go. Everything was misty i just sobbed it away. I choked out my last sob before my eyes were too tired to cry.

 I hear the door open, i ignore it. Soft and careful foot steps walked over to me. The bed sinking down slightly to the weight added to it. I look up at the person now next to me.

"Hi Pete." a shaky whimper left me. "Hey." he smiled, not his normal smile though... this one was more careful. Like he might break me, simply by accident. "Do you want to talk?" he slowly placed a hand on mine. "I'm scared Peter..." i whisper, a look of confusion flashes over his face. 

"Y/n, you know i would never let anything happen to you." he rubbed calming circles on my hand.

"That's not what i'm scared of." i mumble, now looking down at my bed sheets. "Then what is it?" he carefully moved closer to me. "I scare myself." i chock.

 He doesn't answer, intensely looking at my face for answers. "Peter i've been having dreams, nightmares. Every night the same. I'm scared i will hurt someone i love...I'm scared i will kill someone i love." i stay staring down.

Peter looks at me with hurt in his eyes. His mouth opens, it closes. No words escaping him. He simply pulls me into a hug. I didn't know how much i needed this hug till it was over. "This is about Jim... isn't it?" he mumbled next to me. I nod slowly.

Jim was a small boy we had encountered on a mission. Almost six years ago now. He was being held there by the robbers of Tony's supplies. I didn't mean to hurt him, then again did I?

I went on a rampage killing close to everyone of those low live robbers. I was going to swing through my final blow, the last guy snatched Jim from Wanda. I didn't notice until it was to late. I went to go slice the man, he shielded himself with the boy. My knife was the last thing he saw...I was the last person he saw.

I broke out into a new fit of sobs, the memory stung. "It wasn't your fault y/n, you didn't mean to..." he tried to calm me as i drowned his shirt in tears. Holding on to him like he would disappear.

After a few more minutes of my break down i pulled it together. He was running his fingers through my hair, whispering distractions. I pulled away from his chest, my eyes red. "Thanks Pete." i comment softly. "No problem." he squeezed my hand.

I stare into his brown eyes, debating my next move. Petter just smirked his flirtatious smirk and leaned in. It felt like electricity pulsing through my body. I pull back, chasing my breath.

 "I've wanted to do that for a long time" he mumbles smiling. I look at him, then back at his shoulder. A pencil sized hole torn into his shirt. "It's okay y/n, we'll make it through." he held my chin so i couldn't look at the wound. 

A/n- Okay, this one kind of sucks but it's fine.