The One You Once Were

Some News That Feel Not so New to Me

It took three full days until I finally learnt about Bonnie. During all that time, I couldn't get a hold of Tyler. I had no idea if he listened to my voice mails or if he cared about my calls.

Because of his lack of any sign, I had even considered calling Klaus again, the image of him still haunting me, but every time, I suppressed my urge.

And then, the truth about Bonnie was revealed. When Elena called, crying, asking me to come over, a part of me already knew what she had to tell me. I also read it in Elena's face, which was clad with grief and hurt, as I entered the Salvatore living room.

"There's something I need to tell you, Caroline," Jeremy started, his voice gentle and compassionate. "It's about Bonnie."

"Did you find her?" I asked, though I suspected the news were different. More doleful.

"Caroline, please listen. Bonnie is... she is dead."
I swallowed heavily, my thoughts pulling at a distant memory. I had already known "How?"

"Nature demands balance. There's always a price for magic. Bonnie gave her life to bring me back," Jeremy sighed.

"She was never away travelling?" I asked wanly. "Then who sent the postcards?"
"I did. I sent all the messages at her request," he explained.

"We decided to hold a memorial for her today. We will all bring something that reminds us of her and meet in the woods. If you want to join," Damon said, his voice sore.

I nodded. Of course, I wanted to join. This was my best friend we were talking about.

I rushed home, considering what I could bring. It needed to be something special, to truly commemorate my best friend. She deserved nothing but the best.

Yet, even though I was in deep sadness, I couldn't shake the feeling I had already known about her passing. I had grieved her. But why? Or rather, how?

Images slithered into my mind. A witch eyed me in despair. I stormed out of an old house. Arms grabbed me and pulled me into a sweet embrace.

What was all this? Another dream-like memory? Why was I seeing these weird snippets?

No, Caroline, focus, I scolded myself. There is no time to get caught up in unanswered questions! You need to get ready for Bonnies funeral!

I decided to take my cheerleading pompons with me and headed into the woods, hopefully leaving behind any intrusive images and flashes of impossible memories.

Jeremy made his way to the front, next to a tree stump, quietly asking us to place our items on the wood. As I placed the pompons down, the gravity of my friend's passing finally struck me. I teared up.

Perhaps, in some weird dream, I had already grieved my friend, but I had not truly said goodbye.

I felt Elena reach out to me and gave her a hug. She was sobbing as much as I was, and took my hand after letting me go. In desperate need of emotional support, I tightly squeezed her fingers. We were ready for the eulogy.

"We are here in honor of Bonnie. In remembrance of her." Jeremy cleared his throat. "I'm not sure what else to say."

His eyes twitched sideways and soon, his head followed, as if someone was talking to him. Slowly, he gathered himself and spoke, repeating words said by someone else.
"She says, she's not going anywhere. That she has been here all along."

I felt her presence immediately and my head shifted upwards. Bonnie was with us. She was here and she was guiding Elenas brother through his struggle to find words.

"Bonnie has watched you have a great summer so far. Silas aside. And she saw you happy."
I smiled slightly. Happy. She had watched us live, go on without her. The thought sent a sharp pain through my veins. She was gone. My best friend was gone.

"And I know you think now... that you can't have a normal life. That you have to be here for everyone. But you don't," Jeremy said. In my mind, his voice merged with Bonnie's. We all knew it was actually our friend talking.

"Everyone will find their way. So, when summer break is over, you're gonna pack your things and go to college and you're gonna live it up."

Jeremy turned to Matt.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Matt. You know, I would've sent you 300 e-mails back if I could. I miss you."

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that our friend was gone. Our beautiful friend who had done nothing to deserve this fate.
"Caroline."

I stopped my spiral and calmed my breaths. It was my turn. Bracing myself for her words, I searched for support by tightening my grip on Elenas hand. He gave a reassuring squeeze.

"I watched you plan the decorations of your dorm room like your life depends on it."
I chuckled, more tears dripping down my cheeks.

"And I know that things haven't been easy lately and that you feel like something's missing..."

Missing... She was right. There was something missing. Especially since I had encountered Silas' witch a couple of days ago, something inside of me felt empty. I was forgetting something, which could have a severe impact on my life. Did Bonnie know, I saw Klaus' death in my mind? Did she know about the images?

"But" Bonnie stopped. One word and I turned around instantly. "Tyler."

It was really him. My boyfriend gave a soft smile. He was wearing a suit and carried a rose in his hand. I let go of Elena's hand and ran to him. He welcomed me with a hug.

He had come back, to be with me. To be by my side in this time of hardship. I almost couldn't believe it. After all this time, all the unanswered texts and messages, he was back.

Together, we rejoined the others and Tyler placed the rose on the tree stump. The rest of the ceremony, he held me in his arms. I leaned against him, enjoying his presence.

Still, a part of me fought off another thought. This isn't the embrace you need right now, it whispered, this is what could have been if you did not feel as different as you do. You are longing for someone else.

But not even my mind dared to name who I was longing for in this moment.

Tyler accompanied me home and nuzzled my hair. I had cried so much, my head hurt. We didn't talk much. I was too exhausted of crying and he didn't seem to know, what best to say to lighten my mood.

And so, I feel asleep in his arms, while my thoughts spiraled and my head pounded with hidden knowledge, unable for me to grip.

A very honest message from me to you all:
This story has just reached 3K reads and I just want to thank you all so much for reading and voting for it. I always smile when I see your very kind and supporting comments. It all means a lot to me that you enjoy what I have written and thought of.
Now that I got that out: Christmas is approaching faster and faster! Only a week left! Though I'm still a bit stressed out by school because we don't have holidays here just yet. But enough from me. Next week, you'll get more than one chapter, I hope you're all excited? Enjoy your week!