The One You Once Were

What even is time?

It had been three days since my argument with Klaus and he had not really dropped his anger yet. I wished I could tell him everything but until I knew how the memory situation would be solved, I knew I wasn't allowed to.
Despite our fight, I visited Kilian and Heather from time to time and asked about the situation. There wasn't anything new though. They were distracted and as I found out it was because of killings nearby, which could've only been the Mikaelsons. Kilian swore that they would contact me as soon as they'd found something, however long that would take and I told them goodbye because Rebekah wanted to move on from this small village.
When I returned, she had already packed our belongings and the rest of the family was also ready to go.
"We compelled ourselves horses from the villagers.", Kol smirked and petted the beautiful animal beside him. "Yours is the brown one with the white bliss.", Elijah pointed at her.
"She's marvelous.", I smiled and approached her carefully to not scare her off. "There's only one problem. I don't know horseback riding."
"Really?", Rebekah asked. "We've encountered these beauties once or twice already and know it only briefly."
"But you know it. I've never really sat on a horse.", I chuckled nervously, looking up where I was supposed to sit.
"Then you'll for now ride with Niklaus and we will teach you on the way ", Elijah decided for us. Klaus and I exchanged looks. He was still angry with me but didn't complain when his brother helped me climb on behind him. His horse was a beautiful white one and it seemed strong enough to easily carry us both. Nevertheless, it was huge and the distance between where I was compared to the ground was a bit scary. We bound my horse to Elijah's since he was the best in controlling his horse and then slowly took off. I wasn't quite sure where to put my hands until Klaus put them around his waist.
"You need to hold on tight or you'll fall.", he ordered and I carefully moved closer to his warm body.
"I'm sorry I cannot tell you my secrets.", I mumbled, using the chance that he could not just walk away now. "I promise, I have my reasons. I would tell you right away if I could."
He didn't answer and I wasn't able to see his face either, which drove me crazy. "Please say something.", I begged.
"What am I supposed to say?", he finally answered quietly. "You can't tell me about your stuff so why should I let on anything about myself?"
My heart seemed to slow. I didn't want us to continue fighting like this because of me, it made me want to cry.
"I'm -", I started but was interrupted by him: "Sorry? Yeah, I know. I heard you the first time."
I looked at the ground, now not even noticing the height. This was tearing me up inside. The only thing I wanted was to save him and ensure he was healthy but this was having a way more emotional impact then I'd reckoned.
We quietly continued the ride. His siblings were in a good mood and sometimes we stopped so they could get a drink. Klaus joined them, giving me not as much as a glance and feeding like a hungry wolf. I turned my face away and ignored the sweet smell of blood that reached my nose. My love's behavior was like it was torn between how he should act in history's context and the way I usually influenced him when we were on good terms. Just then did I realize how much he'd changed for me in the future and it made me miss him even more. How was it that he was right in front of me but yet so far away?
With a sigh, I dropped myself onto the grass and tried enjoying the warmth of the sun hitting my face. When I heard someone taking a seat beside me, I looked up and saw Rebekah wiping some away blood off her lips.
"What are you doing, sitting here all gloomy?", she asked, shaking her hair out of her face. "Is it because of your fight with Nik?"
"Yeah.", I sighed and moved my fingers through the grass.
"Don't give it too much thought.", she suggested. "It'll pass soon. After all, he does really care for you."
"I know. But this time, it's serious. I don't think, he'll calm down so soon. He seems very bitter.", I sighed and buried my face in my hands.
"What are you fighting about, if I may ask?", Becka tilted her head a bit.
"Just some secrets of mine that I am not allowed to tell him.", I admitted. "I feel like he isn't going to let this go so soon. Perhaps it would be better if I was to travel alone for a certain period of time."
Rebekah's eyes widened. "And leave me all alone with these pricks? No, thank you!"
She made me chuckle. "You'd manage just fine without me.", I said and turned my head to have a better sight at the overall picture of the brothers who were done feading and were now taking care of the horses.
"Sure, I would. But that doesn't mean I want to.", she shook her head and followed my eyes. "I mean, look at them. Finn and Kol have been absorbed by their hunger, Elijah is barely holding it together and Klaus... well he's not the same without you around."
"He seems fine to me.", I mumbled, seeing Klaus wipe clean his mouth and give me spiteful eyes.
"That's just make believe.", his sister played it down. "Give it one more shot, then you can still go."
She made it sound like I wanted to leave. But that was not true at all. The only reason I was here in the first place was because of Klaus. Without him, I'd be back in my time doing whatever. Nevertheless, I was here, trying to maintain his safety. That's how much I loved him.
"Are you girls done finishing your lousy talk over there?", Kol made himself known to us. "Can we move on?"
"Careful brother, or I'll rip your hand off!", Rebekah chuckled threatening, which made me laugh. "Come on, Care, get yourself behind my brother."
Great, another awkward ride... yay.

The ride was exactly how I'd expected it to be: unpleasant. My sad attempts to solve our fight were all blocked by him and at some point, I gave up and simply let my head rest on his back. If I couldn't be with him otherwise, I'd at least enjoy his presence while it lasted. It was aweful to be so close but still have him so far away, I could finally understand his future self's previous struggle to be with me when I had not been ready for him yet. I also missed the forgiveness the Klaus' of my time had so kindly shown me. And of course, it made sense for this Klaus to hold a longer grudge since he was a newer vamp but that didn't mean his cold responses didn't pierce my heart.
When we came to a hold at a tavern, he dropped down from his horse before I'd even really let go, making me almost fall off. Luckily, I was able to retain my balance.
"Wow, thank you.", I ironically told him when I'd gotten off and he just rolled his eyes at me. "Very mature!", I scoffed.
"Am I the one keeping secrets?", he scolded me. How dare he came up with this again!
"Stop acting like a child! Yes, I am the one keeping secrets and I'm sorry for that! I can't tell you! But I am not the one pushing me away because of that!", I fired back, my hands clutched to fists.
"Oh? So it's my fault then?", he reflected angrily.
"I never said that!", I defended myself and by now was completely done with my nerves.
"But you thought it!", he growled and pushed away my hand when I tried reaching out to him.
"Please stop! You don't know what you're talking about!", I was on the brink of a break-down.
"Don't I?", he scoffed. "It was not my decision to fall in love with you. And now that I did, I feel so betrayed by you keeping secrets! If you really love me, why don't you trust me?"
Upset, I ruffled through my hair and tried focusing on something around me that wasn't him. This fight stood between us like an invisible blockade, pushing us further away from one another every passing second. But what could I do? He'd never believe the truth, he would probably think I was telling him some lie or whatever. On the other hand, if I didn't, we'd just keep on fighting...
"Of course, I trust you. I'd offer my life  for you in a second!", I pleaded. In a way, I was already doing that. "I am here because of you in the first place! So don't you ever say I do not really love you!"
He clicked his tounge while also rolling his eyes. It felt like he didn't care about a word I said to him.
"Lies, to make yourself feel better, that's what it's about!", he accused me and I snapped. "Don't make this all out to be me! Stop pushing me away! Or do you really want me to leave? Because that's what will happen if you continue like this!"
Cought off guard, he at first didn't know what to say but quickly found his voice again.
"Leave? Have you forgotten about always and forever? Is this how you'll stick to our pact?", he growled.
"The always and forever card? Really? You do not get to pull that off! Not with this behavior!", I shook my head, anger and hurt mixed together in my tune. "You're not really giving me a choice to stay!"
He didn't speak, just looked out me out of cold eyes, which just confirmed my statement. So that was it then.
"I'll return when you've calmed down!", with those words, I walked to the door. He didn't stop me and I did not turn around, afraid to change my mind if I did. And then I left, ran away, not letting Klaus see my tears.