The One You Once Were

Everything is so damn complicated

He was already asleep on the bed, snuggled up in blankets. His calm state melted my heart. If you saw him like this, there was no way in hell, this man could be a murderer. That he'd even been ready to sacrifice me once before he had known me. But that had been long ago. I didn't think that he would be open to trying to kill me again by now. After all, he did have feelings for me, I knew that. He did too. My last love... that's what he wanted to be. Did he really love me that much? Was I truly so important to him? Or would he have not even noticed me if he had not saved me back then on my birthday. If I thought about it, he had been the one who had finally brought me to peace with my new existence. Without him, I'd probably still be resenting who I was. All thanks to him...
As quietly as I could, I went to the bed and snuck under the blanket. I moved closer and took his arm to spoon myself with it. He would probably hold all this against me in the morning but I didn't care right now. This was my decision amd besides, I was way too tired. His body warmth provided great comfort and I felt his breath on the back of my neck, which sent chills down my spine. Carefully, I turned around so I could face him. My eyes went over his resting features. His body, his muscles, his closed eyes and resting face. They stopped at his lips, which looked so inviting. I couldn't deny that I had at least thought about kissing them once or twice or maybe a hundred times. Noone knew about how I felt for this immortal being, even I tried to ignore it time and time again. However, he always found his way back into my mind, especially after my time with his human version, which only existed in my memory. For him, it had never even happened. He did not remeber meeting and comforting me. Hugging me. Lying on his back and looking at the stars beside me. Though he had loved Tatia back then, hadn't he? I felt like I was forgetting something, a memory that lingered in my mind, not yet seen after all this time. My muscles were moving on their own, making their way up to his face. His steady breath indicated his still sleeping state. Before I knew it, I had pressed my lips gently on his. I felt his skin on mine as my hand was on his chest to steady myself. His lips were so soft and fit perfectly on mine as if they had been made for this. Of course, he wasn't kissing back. How would it feel if he did?
As I moved away again, my lips leaving his and the cold returning to them as his warmth was swept away, my head started hurting like it was going to explode. I almost started screaming but restrained myself by covering my mouth with my hands. Memories made their way into my concience. Klaus, already a vampire, as he figured out I was like him. His words about us having all the time in the world but me denying, saying I had to go back. Most importantly though, him saying goodbye to me. He'd said, we'd hopefully meet again in the future and assuring me, he would never stop caring about me. And then, he had moved closer. There it was, the kiss. My body tensed remembering the touch of his lips on mine. Not like the one I'd just given him. More passionate, both wanting it and leaning in.
A realization struck me like lightening, I was almost scared to think about it. He had fallen in love with me back then. Despite how history should have happened, he had loved me. Klaus Mikaelson had loved and wanted to be with me without even knowing about the future. I eyed the sleeping man beside me. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him to get closer. My heart was beating out of my chest and my breath was going unsteady. Unbelievable. What did this say about him? About me? About...us. He had dropped his love for Tatia rather quickly back then. Did that indicate, he wasn't loyal to his love and feelings? Or did it mean, his feelings for me were pretty serious...? That we were like destined to be together? I shook my head. I had come here to rest, not to think about those images. Silently, I took in his scent. It was so familiar by now, it calmed my confused state.
He shifted a bit, groaning while blinking in the dark. Quickly, I closed my eyes, hearing his breath stop for a second. Had he woken up? Well, of course if he blinked. Hopefully, he had really just now woken up and not earlier.
"Caroline?", his voice sounded a bit husky. "When did you get here?"
I didn't answer, pretending to be asleep.
"Oh love, you had a nightmare again, didn't you?", he didn't seem to be expecting an answer. It was crazy how calm and loving he sounded.
"Don't worry, I'm here now.", he put a hand on my back and started drawing small circles on it. "You're okay, sweetheart. Sleep well."
He suddenly chuckled. "You really are something. The only being that breaks down my walls all over again. The brightest light the world can offer to me. What are you doing to me? Shaking me up, giving me weird dreams, making me want to show you my good side. Just be mine already, stupid." He pressed a kiss on my head, then pulled me closer to him.
"Sweet dreams, my love."
My cheeks were burning. Would he have said that if he'd known I was was awake? I decided he should rather not find out. His brightest light? So cheesy...
His hands started caressing my back again, which sent shivers through my entire body. Pretending to sleep was really not easy.
Okay, Caroline, I told myself, don't freak. Just calm down and try to sleep. My heart was pounding like crazy. My cheek was on his bare chest. Wait... only now I realized the hybrid wasn't wearing a shirt. What was it with boys sleeping shirtless? Almost every man I knew had the habit of doing so. His skin was soft, my hands were still on his chest. I slowly moved them to his sides because the other position was getting a bit uncomfortable. He was still awake, I could hear that. Nervously, I shifted a bit, like I would've done too if I would actually be asleep. His hand moved up to my head, gently ruffling through my hair. Was Hayley right? Should I not let my chances pass? But would he drop me once he had me or found someone better? Would everything change once the baby was born? Or would he even consider lettting me go after having me. A part of me didn't want to give into him, only because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a victory. Another part had dark and selfish cravings that wanted to be with him. Bad idea, Caroline, I scolded myself. After everything he'd done! But he isn't even such a bad person. He could be gentle and kind. Of course, when he got angry, you didn't want to be on his bad side and he was a killer. His father and time had made him one. Ugh, why were feelings always so complicated? Holding back a sigh, I took a deep breath and tried calming my mind.
After a few seconds, I looked up at him, our eyes meeting.
"You're awake?", he asked. "Did you hear what I said?"
"Did you feel what I did?", I shot back.
"You mean the kiss?"
"So you did?"
He nodded.
"Caroline, do you love me?", he asked, quietly.
"I'm not sure.", I answered. "I tell myself I don't."
He sat up and slowly reached his hand out and touched my thigh, then pulled my leg over his body. I was now sitting on top of him.
"Do you lie to yourself?", he whispered. His face was so close, I could even hear his breath and felt it on my skin. His hands rested on my waist, our eyes were locked.
"Do I?", I asked.
Slowly, his hand moved up my body and stopped at my cheek.
"I'll be your last, Caroline.", he said. "That is what I promised."
"My last...", I repeated. "Am I ready for you?"
"Are you?", he grinned and moved closer. Our lips were now just inches apart. "You are already having pretty dirty dreams about us, aren't you?"
"What?", I said perplex. "I've never had dirty dreams about us. I mean, maybe once or twice but..."
"You're having one right now."
My eyes flew open. I was still in Klaus' arms in his room. Oh. My. God. I did not just dream that. No. I. Did. Not.
I looked at him, he was asleep again, shifting in his sleep. He could never know about this. Gosh, this was embarrassing. But it also did raise questions. Dream Klaus had asked them quite precisely. Was I ready for him?
Okay, if I thought about this now, I was never going to get sleep. Come on, Caroline, you can think about this tomorrow. Just enjoy this moment, ignore that you almost kissed Klaus in your dream and pretend everything was totally normal.
Slowly, my breath settled for real. Enjoying his being here, which prevented my nightmares filled with bad memories to rush in, I could finally get some rest. This time, without confusing dreams.

Hey guys!
So as some of you might have noticed, there's been a little "accident" last week. I don't really know what happened but a chapter was published, which I definitely did not want. To those who already had a look into it: please do not spoil anything for the others and keep what you know to yourselves. The chapter will be published in the future. I can understand, if you were confused since the plot did not match the previous published chapters at all! I (after almost receiving a heart attack when noticing) took the chapter down again.
So yeah, let's hope something like this does not happen again. I just told you all to explain the situation.
(So I guess you have something to look forward to the next couple of weeks?)

Also, I want to address something while we're at it. Which is: Legacies and Hope wearing a dress that looks very similar to the dress Klaus gave Caroline.
I guess we all know, there's been a lot of discussions about all this and I heard that one or two Klaroline shippers fat-shamed Hope's actress Danielle about this?
So, two things:
First: like the decision of Hope wearing this specific dress or not, fat-shaming is not the solution. To anything. It just shouldn't happen.
And also let aside the fact that in my opinion Hope's actress is beautiful?
But more importantly, people have been hating on Klaroliners because of this? How is this our fault? Sure, there has been some comments about this but our fandom and our love for Klaroline is not defined by that! We just want to enjoy our ship without any hate or shaming of others going on.
Sorry but I had to speak my mind about this. In my eyes, both sides have done wrong but hating on each other is something that shouldn't happen. Everyone deserves respect.
(Oh and btw, I am not trying to attack anyone by this, just making a statement)

Okay, I really am done now.
Anyways, enjoy this week. Byee