Strangers

Chapter 10: The 1975

“This way, come on!” Alice forced me to link arms with her and the girls as we walked into the small arena. I’m nervousness personified, but a little excited at the same time which is confusing. I love concerts, I haven’t been to a concert that wasn’t one direction in a really long time, and I only got to see Matt perform once the whole time we were ‘a thing’.

“Let’s get right up the front.” Maddi grins, dragging us all through the mob of girls that had probably been waiting all day to get up the front. Nobody said anything as we pushed past them, but I could sense I was drawing a little attention and I heard the words ‘Harry’s girlfriend’ muttered more than once, to which I just rolled my eyes.

So we’d successfully made our way to about the seventh row back, and I had a perfect view of the centre of the stage where a microphone was situated, I stood up on my tiptoes to take in the rest of the stage where George etc would be situated, but lets be honest I don’t think I’ll be looking at them much.

I dig my phone out of my clutch as we wait for the band to come on, still no reply from Harry.

Me: I’m at the concert now. They’re not on yet.
Me: What are you up to?
Me: Shit, I think I’m just going to leave, this isn’t worth pissing you off for.

Me: Harry??

Harry: You’re there now you might as well just get it over with.

Me: Please don’t be mad.

Harry: Of course I’m going to be mad. Something bad is going to happen, I just know it is.

Me: Do you not trust me? Nothing is going to happen, I doubt I’ll even get a chance to talk to him.

Harry: As if.

Me: Harry, please just don’t make a big deal out of this.

Harry: I think it’s a bit late for that

Me: You’re really that mad?
Harry: I don’t know, I just feel sick at the thought of you being there and me not there with you.

Me: I’m so sorry. I love you.

Harry: I know you do.

Me: xxxxxx

The lights have dimmed, and the starting music of The City begins to play. I can’t remember the last time I listened to a song by the 1975, not really sure why but it just felt weird listening to it after everything that happened. I forgot just how much I love this music, that is until Matt takes the stage, standing in front of the microphone, wearing a rose patterned button down undone all the way, and black jeans as always, his hair a mess like I would expect it to be and his eyes closed as he sings the start of the song. The sound of his voice directly links my mind back to that day at the fashion show- all the horrible things he said to me, like that Harry and Louis didn’t actually love me, they just liked the chase, and that he was more infatuated with the idea of me than me. I clench my eyes shut at the painful memory, only reopening them after I’ve taken a few deep breaths. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. Harry was right, this is dangerous territory and I feel like I’ve walked straight into the devil’s lair. My eyes are fixated on him as he sings, I keep waiting to feel anything other than guilt over how I treated him, but I don’t. My heart has no room to feel anything for anyone other than Harry, it barely has enough capacity to love him as much as I do. During the middle of Chocolate, his eyes make the horrible mistake of looking in my direction, and I see him physically tense when he realizes it’s me. I give him a small, innocent smile and a little awkward wave. He looks away, regaining his concentration on the lyrics and only glancing back at me every so often. After playing a plethora of songs they take a break, disappearing off stage and returning with a bottle of water in his hands that he rests on the floor beside his microphone before starting Settle Down. A few songs later, I recognize the music to Falling For You. My favourite song of theirs but unlike the last time I watched him, he doesn’t make eye contact with me at all. That’s when I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see a security guard standing behind me. My first thought is that he’s having me kicked out.