Strangers

Chapter 80: Amissio

I feel like it may be time to do a Harry and get a new phone so that no one can contact me.

I’m so fucking sick of Harry thinking that he can send me cute messages and it’ll just win me back. Knowing what I know now about why we he ended things only makes me more confident in moving on from him.

Linda and Gemma are set on convincing me to reconsider.

There’s nothing to consider.

I called Matty, and I just wanted to talk to him, and hear his thoughts on it all, maybe give me the clarity I needed. He said it didn’t matter how much he wanted to talk to me because he couldn’t be that person for me, even though he wanted to. It makes sense. I feel like an idiot for calling him in the first place.

Niall is the only human being not plaguing me with their existence. We’re in the same sort of place, and we’ve vowed to make sure the other has fun. He doesn’t understand why it hurts so bad when it was so new. I wish I had an answer for him. But I don’t. And he got hurt because of me, I don’t know why he doesn’t hate me. I’ve done nothing but cause him harm since we became friends and I’m sort of waiting for the day he gives up on our friendship all together. That day is yet to come, instead he insists on having me over to watch games of football I’m not interested in, and cook me dinner or I’ll bring him take out. And we remind ourselves that one day none of this will matter, and we’ll both be happy and in love with new people, and every fucked up thing that’s happened won’t be the only thing we can think about; instead it will be the thing we never think about, because it doesn’t matter anymore.

I wish it didn’t matter now.

I’m so…over it.

I’ve been knee-deep in paperwork all week. Thank God. Work is the one constant thing in my life, and I’m so glad that my job is actually interesting and can literally control my entire brain for hours on end.

“Charlotte!” A distressed voice barely reaches my ears at my desk, but I look up anyway.

“Someone get Charlotte!” I hear a different voice and I push back from my desk and stand up, walking to the door of my office with the most perplexed look on my face.

“Lola!” Ally says, and I see her at the end of the corridor, her face is full of panic. What the hell is going on?

“Hurry!” She says and I run towards her, turning the corner into my Grandfather’s office and my entire body freezes.

Four people from the office surround my Grandfather who’s trying to support his weight by leaning against the desk, his other hand clutching his chest and his knees giving way making him fall to the floor. A young solicitor is trying to help but no one really knows what to do. His secretary is on the phone to emergency and it’s all happening so quickly.

“Grandad!” I can hear my own voice screaming like an echo in my ears. My feet move again, rushing me to his side and I push the person beside him out of the way so I can wrap my hand around his arm, holding him close to me as if it’s going to help.

My eyes are stinging and I can hear someone, anyone…probably everyone telling me that it’s going to be okay but it isn’t, what the hell is happening? This isn’t supposed to happen.

I can barely see through my terrified tears, everything is blurry and moving so fast. I feel like I’m frozen, the paramedics are suddenly in front of me, pushing me out of the way and I’m being ushered out behind them and into an ambulance. And I’m sitting here watching them do their job and try to save him but it doesn’t look good and I have to close my eyes and I want to be anywhere but here right now I don’t understand…I’m so scared and I’m so confused, what is happening? No one is telling me anything. I hate the sounds of the machines and I hate that he looks completely different to me right now, lying on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance while two complete strangers try to resuscitate him and save his life and I can’t do anything, I’m so helpless and he’s so helpless and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation. Am I supposed to be strong? Am I supposed to sit here and watch this and not cry because I can’t, I can’t do that.