Strangers

Chapter 61: Ghosts Of Christmas Past

I couldn’t bring myself to open the door, step out of the car and walk up the path to the house.

It had become painfully obvious to me that by now they would’ve seen my car out on the street.

Humiliation must be the general theme of the evening, as established by me.

Come on Lola, you’re better than this.

I really don’t think I am.

I’m a coward.

The reason I’m even here is because I’m too much of a coward to say no to him.

It’s my biggest weakness, and clearly going to be the reason for my eventual demise.

I know I shouldn’t really be nervous about seeing Anne or Gemma. I know them well enough to know that they will both act as though nothing ever happened, and I’m just Gemma’s friend visiting from university who they’ve sort of accepted as their own, like I was all those years ago.

Perhaps the main reason for my nerves is Harry.

Perhaps?

Okay, obviously.

He is the reason for almost every feeling radiating through me.

Nerves…fear…trepidation…hesitation…and a little bit of excitement, the normal amount that arises whenever I’m going to see him; which really should have died out by now, after everything that’s happened. But it hasn’t. I’m not sure what that means, but in true Lola-cowardly-fashion, I choose not to read too much into it.

He is the reason I spent two hours making sure I looked flawless. I don’t feel flawless, but if I slightly resemble it with jeans that are way too tight, and a Burberry coat he may have bought me.

Okay it’s now or never.

Head up, chest out, fake confidence is key.

Gotta love the way you love yourself.

Now is not the time to have Matt Healy running through my mind, I mentally scold my subconscious.

I’m not sure what made me finally open the car door and tread up the path towards the home I’d at one stage become quite fond of, but now all it really holds is memories of friendships and relationships past.

The door is opened before I can even knock.

Is it too late to go home without being noticed?

Yes.

“Beautiful Charlotte there you are!” Anne’s warm smile is the first thing I see, that and then her arms reaching out to embrace me in a motherly hug I didn’t know I needed. But, fuck, I really, really need one. I miss my Mum so much.

“Hi Anne, how are you? You alright, yeah?” I try to sound as casual and as normal as possible but it comes out rigid and slightly withheld. Shit.

“Oh yes, very well. And yourself?” She asks but I see her smile slightly falter when she realises how stupid that question is.

“I’m actually really good.” I say, giving her a genuine smile. Shit. What a stupid thing to say. I feel like I’m bragging, like Yeah Harry and I broke up look at how happy I am good riddance to your fuckhead son. But what is the alternative? Your son broke my heart so naturally I am miserable and being here is actually torture for me but ya know, going good.

“I’m glad.” She smiles, taking my coat.

“You’re looking very…slender.” She nods, and I cross my hands in front of my stomach awkwardly, feeling rather scrutinized. Fucking Styles’ family are almost too caring about my wellbeing.