Strangers

Chapter 49: D Day

A/N: I'll double update if this gets 100 comments in the next like three or so hours. 

0 Days

The past few days have been a blur of thoughts I won’t let myself think, feelings I’m trying not to let control me, and anger I’ve let boil for too long.

I’ve felt numb walking around campus. I’ve wanted to spend every waking moment asleep, but then when I can go to sleep, I can never manage to block out the heaviness of my heart and the dangerous thoughts that accompany that pain.

There’s a constant stinging behind my eyes and through my nasal passages that threatens to spawn tears at any point in the day, triggered by quite literally anything with the slightest connection to my ‘relationship.’

There’s been no word from Harry since his drunken texts, and I’ve resisted the urge to send him angry messages telling him how hurt I feel and how I don’t understand what happened. I want answers but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to ask the questions that I require resolutions to.

With less than a month left till Christmas break, the corridors had been student-decorated in an attempt to fill our living facilities with Christmas cheer. But it was lost on me. I was not feeling very Christmassy. Thinking about Christmas meant thinking about the fact that my parents won’t be home for it, or thinking about the fact that my long standing tradition of standing Christmas Eve in Holmes Chapel with Harry and Gem surely won’t happen this year. The worst though would have to be that it is nearing on a year since my Grandmother passed, and whilst last year was the hardest Christmas my family will probably ever endure, this one was going to be difficult also. That’s why I hated that Christmas was forced upon you way before it was even near. It’s still a few weeks away, yet I’m already dwelling on these thoughts and dreading it, and I’m sure the constant reminder in the streets of London for my Grandfather wouldn’t be doing him any good. Yep, it was hard to get in the Christmas spirit.

Another thing preventing me from getting into the mood was the sudden influx of uni work. Assignment due dates were looming and my concentration levels were low. I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I would sit on my bed staring at my laptop for hours on end, but my thought process was constantly interrupted by green eyes and brown curls, and once those thoughts stormed my mind, it was hard to get them to leave.

Today had been particularly difficult. The scraps of the countdown are still resting in my bin, reminding me that today should’ve been the day I would be seeing him.

I knew a lot would change in those forty-two days, but I don’t think anyone could’ve prepared me for this…this…whatever this is.

God I just want to stop thinking about it.

I hate this.

I hate him for making me feel like this.

I hate that I can hate him and not even flinch at that thought because I don’t even know him anymore.

I could never hate the Harry that I knew, and loved. But this Harry just feels so far away and I want him here and I want him to tell me what the hell happened to us.

“Argh!” I heave, lying back on my bed in frustration.

Precisely my luck, there’s a knock on the door at the exact moment I lie down. Seriously? This better not be those idiots selling candy canes again. I bought enough the last time, sugar has been my only reliable companion lately. I drag myself up off the bed, lazily pushing myself to stand up as I yawn. Not a lot of sleep has been had, as bad as I want it.

I close and wipe my eyes as I open the door, my heart falling into my stomach when I open them.

Harry.