Strangers

Chapter 20: Letting Go

GEMMA POV (Not going to lie, writing this terrifies me- also, this is set the same day that Harry and Lola’s last chapter was.)

Ash: I’m here.

I toss my phone out of my shaking hands and onto the couch cushion beside me, bringing my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them and hugging them tightly.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve spent days planning what I’m going to say because that’s going to go out the window the second I see him. It doesn’t matter that 80% of me hates him because there’s still the 20% that he could use to his advantage.

I feel so sick, and so terrified of this conversation. I’ve held this in for too long, contemplated over it for too long and prolonged it longer than I should’ve. I don’t want it to be over, and I fucking hate myself for that because he hurt me. He broke my heart and he has been fucking me around for months, but here I am still in love with him and not wanting to let go of our relationship which is basically a lie anyway. I waited so long for him and now he does this and he proves everyone right. Not everyone. Just Lola really, she’s the only one who predicted this.

The knock on the door sends a shiver down my spine, the moment fast approaching and I am not ready for it.

For a few moments I sit still on the couch, attempting to muster all the strength I will need for this conversation but none is coming to me. He knocks more persistently and it irritates me. Maybe I’ll be lucky, maybe he will irritate me and anger me and I won’t even think about how much of my heart he consumes.

I walk to the door with tepid footsteps, letting out a few deep breaths that do me absolutely no good. Don’t cry Gem. He isn’t worth your tears. I wish he was but he’s not.
I pull the door open, a stabbing pain wracking through me the second our eyes lock.

“Hey babe, how are you?” He steps forward, his arm trying to wrap around me and pull me in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek but I step away, my neutral expression boring into his confused eyes.

“Is something wrong?” His face scrunches up as he follows me further inside.

“Is something wrong?! Seriously? Is something wrong?! Ash we haven’t spoken in almost a week and you’re questioning if there’s something wrong?” My composure lasted all of 5 seconds. Fuck.

“I assumed you were busy…” He shrugs, his hands in his pockets. And that’s when I realised there’s always been more wrong with this relationship than I thought. I’ve been ignoring him since I found out and he hasn’t even attempted to contact me.

“Yeah, you’re right. I was busy, busy trying to work out how I could be so fucking naïve!” I avoid looking at him too much because whenever I do my mind goes a little fuzzy.

“What are you talking about?” He questions apprehensively.

“Where should I begin? The fact you’ve been cheating on me for months, or the fact you conned my brother into not telling me, or how you completely humiliated me?”
His face falls and I can see his thought process. His eyes widen, like he’s about to spin me some line, a lie maybe, an excuse, who knows. Who knows what he thinks? I sure as hell don’t. I have no fucking idea what goes through someone’s mind when they cheat on their long-term girlfriend. I’m such a fucking idiot.

“How long have you known?” He asks nervously.

“A few days.”

“Gem…” He croaks, taking a step towards me, his face so sympathetic.
“Don’t fucking look at me like that, you don’t get to pity me! Don’t pity me for your own actions. I wouldn’t need pity if my jerk boyfriend hadn’t cheated on me!” I hiss, fucking pissed off.