Strangers

Chapter 50: What's So Good About Bye

“Was that Harry I just saw in the corrid- Oh my god. What happened?” I feel the mattress sink down beneath me and the feeling of Alice’s hand running up and down my back in an attempt to comfort me. But I’m beyond comforting, I am inconsolable.

I am heaving, my whole body shaking, my head aching from the pain of creasing my forehead for so long, my eye lids feel heavy, my lips are chapped, my nose most likely red. All the signs of a fit of tears. I lay cramped up against the wall, banging my head against it every now and again. Not a sensible thought running through my mind.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me.” Alice says, I can hear her trying to make her voice sound as soft and as comforting as possible but it’s no use.

“W-w-w-w-w-e broke uuuuup.” I stutter, practically wailing as I roll and bury my head in the pillow, howling into the soft cushion, burying the sound of my hysterics.

“Oh my God.” Is all she can say.

I wish the ground would swallow me whole.

I wish my heart could leave my body and never come back, although it practically has. It feels like Harry took it with him when he left the room, only leaving the crumbled remains that can cause more pain than one might think.

“Do you want me to call Linda? Or your Mum? Or Niall?”

“No. No one can know.” I screech, banging my fists against the bed, my head shaking profusely and my chest shaking up and down because my sobs are so lacking of air because I keep forgetting to breathe.

“Lola you need to breathe.”

“I-I-I-I-“ I hiccup, my lips hurting from being pulled down into a frown so strongly, “c-aaaaant.” I whimper, someone should just put me out of my misery.

“Come on, sit up.” Alice pulls me up against my will till I’m sitting, I can’t even see her my eyes are soaking, my pillow is drenched. “It’ll be okay.”

“No! It won’t! This will never be okay.” I shake my head, the tears still falling and the sound of my voice breaking with every sentence I speak is evidence of that.

“I don’t think I can do this Alice. I can’t breathe. I was just staring at him waiting for him to say something that would make it all okay and I was trying to convince myself that seeing him didn’t change things, but it did. The past few weeks have been hell and I hate him, but I love him so much and I know that doesn’t make sense but how could I possibly be expected to make sense right now my heart is breaking and it hurts - it physically hurts Alice just make it stop please.” I sob, my whole body is aching.

“It’s gonna be okay.” She repeats,

“Stop saying that! I’m not going to survive this. He promised, he promised he wouldn’t break up with me and I promised I wouldn’t break up with him and we promised forever but forever is impossible now isn’t it because he’s gone and I can’t get him back. I can’t see how I will ever be able to make it through the day knowing he’s out there living his life and I’m not a part of it. I can’t do it. I can’t just let him go but I didn’t fight for him and he didn’t fight for me and we’re both so stubborn but this can’t be it this can’t be what it takes to make me happy, he’s all it takes. Why am I such an idiot!”

“It might not seem like it’s the best now, but it will be in the long run. Lola you haven’t been happy for a really long time.”

“I don’t care, I want him to be happy and I want to be happy with him and I don’t want anyone else to make him happy and I know no one else can make me happy I’ve had Louis- I’ve had Matt-I’ve had Niall- no one compares.” Uh-oh.