Skinny Love

July, 1971

Happy Halloween, and happy Bohemian Rhapsody anniversary!

July 12, 1971

John
"Hey, John, we really need to talk about what happened at the graduation ceremony." Roger murmured after we were left alone in his basement- a couple seconds prior, Freddie, Brian, and Tim announced that they were going to get drinks for us, therefore leaving Roger and I alone to talk. "I-I just want to make sure that you're okay, and I wanted to check if it was just jitters from grad, or if it was something serious. You-you can trust me with stuff like that, I won't tell anyone."

"No, it was nothing. It was... just grad jitters." I lied, pulling my jumper sleeves down to cover my chilling fingers. "I promise." I continued, then I pulled my knees up to my chest and I huffed against my trousers.

Roger stared at me for a couple more seconds, then he took a deep breath before getting off of the lounger and coming to sit by me on the sofa. He put a hand on my shoulder, and he squeezed it a couple times before patting it, telling me to turn and face him.

"You can tell me if there's something wrong, John, I'm serious." He whispered and I felt my eyes filling with tears before I took a deep breath- I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, then I nodded before blinking a couple times. "Obviously there's something going on, and I don't know why Freddie's completely oblivious to whatever's happening. Just tell me, please." He squeezed my cold hand and I took in a shaky sigh.

"I... don't get mad, okay?" I looked up at him and he nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. "Ever-ever since you guys had to get measured for the magazine, I've been... I've been dieting on and off. I-I've lost six pounds since then, and it's making me so mad because it's only six pounds- I haven't eaten a proper meal in months, Roger, months! I can feel my body starting to eat itself when I wake up in the morning, and it hurts so badly, but I need Freddie to love me, so I need to have the perfect body for him." I got most of it out in one breath, and the blond man blinked at me several times.

It took Roger six minutes and thirty-seven seconds to reply, but his voice shook as he did. "J-John, we... I had no idea." He whispered and I just nodded. "What-what were our weights, even? I don't remember."

"I was nine stone and eight pounds. You're nine stone five, Tim's nine two, Freddie's eight five, and Brian's ten five, but that's just because he's tall and his limbs are so fucking long that he needs to be that heavy." I explained, quietly, and he just nodded along with me. "And, really, I've only lost two pounds. I-I lied, to make me seem smaller. I-I lost the six pounds, but then I started eating again and it just seemed to pile back on in a matter of days." I continued, feeling better with every word I spilled to the older boy.

We both hushed after the three other boys came back to the basement, and Roger moved after Freddie looked him up and down with a slight glare. The blond man continued to look at me as he moved to the lounger, but I turned so I wasn't looking back at him. I knew he would tell Freddie if I didn't, and that was the last thing I wanted- I wanted to tell him on my own terms, but I didn't want to tell him just yet.

"What were you two talking about?" Freddie asked, quietly, and I shook my head, shrugging before putting my legs over his lap. "You don't know?" He raised an eyebrow and I giggled, softly.

"No, I know, it just wasn't important." I shook my head once more, and Roger cleared his throat, loudly, making me glare in his general direction. "Nothing. It was just... I had questions about band stuff." I explained, quietly, then I sat up properly and Freddie held my hand in his lap, playing with my fingers while the other three talked amongst themselves.

The band was heading to Penzance, with me in tow, so they were finalizing a few things before they left. It was five hours away by bus, which kind of annoyed me, but they really wanted to go and apparently the gig was supposed to pay well- ever since graduating, they were pooling their gig money to get a flat together. I didn't really want to live with four rowdy boys, but I had no choice if I wanted to stay with Freddie. I didn't know where we'd find a flat big enough for all of us, but apparently Fred had done some searching and he found one with four small rooms that was relatively affordable, now they just had to focus on getting the money before someone else swooped in to take it.