Skinny Love

July, 1979

July 12, 1979

John
We had had the kids with us since June and I had honestly never felt better. I had missed them so much, and they were extremely pleased to be back home. I was sure that Brian and Roger liked the break, too, because they were working hard to get ready for their baby and planning for the tour we'd leave on in August. It was in Germany and I wanted to take the kids with me, so they could experience something a little new- they had been to Germany before, but it had been a long time since they went and I wasn't sure if Remy even remembered going.

"I got more." Freddie murmured, tucking a couple bags and a few needles into our bedside table. "We don't have to do it straight away, but just in case we really want it soon." He smiled, then he kissed my cheek and he sat on the edge of the bed. "They should be up soon- Roger said they'd both wake up around the same time when they were at his house." He told me and I nodded while I took a deep breath. "How're you feeling today?" He asked, quietly, and I shrugged a bit.

"Just kind of tired." I admitted, softly. "But I like having the kids home, it makes me feel like I'm getting better." I nodded, then he crawled under the sheets with me and he held me closely, his hands resting on the concave area that I called my stomach. "Don't push, it hurts." I pulled his wrists back a bit and he nodded.

"I think we should see a doctor, John." He whispered, making me feel like I was about to be sick. "I just don't want the kids seeing you like this- I mean, how is Lennon going to feel when she sees her daddy talking about how much he hates himself and how he doesn't want to eat lunch because he had apple juice yesterday morning?" He asked and I felt my eyes burning- Jesus, he always made me cry.

"I know, Freddie. I-I'm trying." I replied, and he just sighed while nodding- I felt bad for him, because I always told him that I was trying and that I was going to do better, he was probably sick of me.

There were a few moments of peaceful silence, then the door swung open and the two kids came barreling in, jumping into bed with us and screaming when they saw us- I remembered them being happy like that before we started doing major tours, I missed it.

"Hi, babies." I smiled, then Lennon crawled under my arm, so I was holding her close to me. "Did you two have a good nap?" We had had a long couple weeks together, so the kids had taken to having naps because the days were so long and exhausting- we had a lot to catch up on.

"I didn't sleep, Daddy." Remy told me, sitting on my calf, and I laughed a bit while I reached over to hold their hand. "I didn't want to, naps are for babies." After a second, they tried to stifle a yawn.

"I think you'll have an early bedtime tonight." I told them and they shook their head with a small eye roll- something told me that Remy was going to be dramatic like Freddie. "How was your sleep, Lennie? Did you manage to get a bit of a snooze?" I asked, brushing her long hair away from her face.

"Yeah, it was alright." She murmured against my chest, then she held my thin hands in hers. "Your hands are cold, Daddy." She commented and Freddie made a little noise while he walked around the room. "Is it chilly in here when you have to nap?" She asked and I nodded before kissing her head. "Is that because you're so little?" She looked up. "How come you're so little?" She added before I could answer the first question.

"Daddy's not too small, I think I look really nice like this." I smiled, rubbing over my stomach. "See? I think it looks nice like this." I took off the blanket and I showed her my hips, she made a little noise, and she rubbed over the jutting bones. She lifted her shirt, and she looked between her stomach and mine before nodding a bit. "I like yours, too, baby." I rubbed over her round stomach and she made a little noise while she nodded. "Looks like you're eating well, and I like that." I patted her skin and she hummed, then she quickly pulled her shirt down and she laid on her side, her arm resting over it like she was hiding it from the world.