Skinny Love

November, 1971

November 4, 1971

Freddie

John was still distraught from the day Kashmira blurted to our parents that he was expecting. I felt bad, because he wanted to love the little thing, but it was hard for him after finding out that my parents weren't as accepting about it- Mum said that she would help out, but she was hesitant to offer that to us. We still had to tell his mum, and I felt like she'd be more accepting towards him, because she loved him so much.

The boys knew that there was something up with him, but nobody would say anything in fear of upsetting him further. We kind of left him to do his own thing, even if that did include shuffling through the flat in his housecoat and slippers at four in the morning.

"What're you doing up?" I asked, quietly, after following him into the kitchen. "It's barely four o'clock, John. You need to be asleep, so my azizam can grow, or whatever it's doing in there." I murmured, glancing down at his stomach before looking back at his exhausted face. "And if you want to keep performing until the baby comes, you're going to need to get some sleep." I reminded him and he nodded, staring blankly at me before turning to face the refrigerator. "Hey, what's going on?" I grabbed his arm and I turned him to face me before frowning at him. "Why're you being weird?"

He was... going through something. I wasn't sure what it was, but there wasn't any way to actually explain what it could've been. He had been more than spaced out and I didn't know what to do with him.

"I need to go back to bed." John murmured, rubbing a hand over his face before whimpering a bit. "I'm so tired." He squeaked, sounding like he was about to burst into tears.

"Well, let's go to bed, then." I whispered, then I held his hand and he slowly followed behind me, his hand shaking in mine and his eyes fixated on something that wasn't there. "Into bed now, please. My azizam needs some sleep, and we'll have a better day tomorrow." I kissed his forehead, then I covered him up before slipping in on my own side of the bed.

I couldn't help but watch as John got himself comfortable, then I put my hand on his stomach and he opened his eyes a bit. He was so exhausted, and the baby was taking it out in him- I was worried, but he said that he was fine. His doctor said that he was still a little too small, and I could see that it wasn't as big as we wanted it to be- John was just tiny, so our baby was going to be tiny.

"Just go to sleep." I whispered, then I kissed his temple and he nodded while slowly drifting back to sleep.

Once John was asleep, I carefully got up and I walked out of the room. I went into the living room and I sighed while sitting at the kitchen table- I was at my wits end, and I didn't know how to help him. I heard a bedroom door open and shut, then someone shuffled out into the kitchen- I was praying to God that it wasn't John.

"What're you doing out here?" Roger asked, quietly, before joining me at the kitchen table. "I thought we weren't supposed to be out here at nighttime, because of John." He raised an eyebrow, then he grabbed a glass from the cupboard and he filled it with water from the tap.

"We-we aren't, because he'll think it's okay to be out here at three in the morning, but I can't fall asleep with him just laying there." I murmured, holding my head in my hands. "I'm so tired, and I don't know how to help him anymore- he just needs sleep, and someone to care for him at all hours of the day." I shook my head, then Roger sat across from me and he nodded for a couple seconds.

"I can take care of him today, if you want." He whispered, then I looked up at him and I couldn't help but laugh at his stupid grin. "I've been needing time with... whatever you guys are calling it."

"Azizam." The answer was barely audible, but it made Roger smile with a nod.

"Yeah, with your Azizam." He hummed after taking a sip of water. "I want to spend some time with the two of them, because he's been distant lately. He just needs a friend, and you two need some space. I'm sure that Brian wants to hang out with you, or you can take a nap- personally, I would just nap while he spoke because he is more than boring." He chuckled and I huffed out a little laugh. "Have you guys been thinking about names?" He asked and I nodded with a sleepy smile.