Skinny Love

August, 1979

Where are y'all from? I was looking at my demographic map, and you guys are all over the world! I just thought I'd ask, because I want to know who I'm reaching with my little books. I'll start: I'm from Canada, so if I have any Canada babes out there heyyyy!

August 20, 1979

Freddie
"Papa, I don't want to go home yet, I like it here because it's quiet here." Lennon murmured, looking over at me and making me laugh a bit- she was swimming in the white hotel housecoat and she was kicking her legs a bit while she tried to get comfortable in the too high chair.

We were both sitting on the balcony, and I had a coffee while she had warm water in a mug. The German sunrise was slowly working its way over the hills and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. We had never watched a sunrise together, and felt really special to get a few minutes alone with her while Remy slept.

John had gone home with Brian and Roger, and I was grateful for them for taking care of him while I took some time to let the kids calm down. Our house had been very hectic, with the screaming and the fighting, so I thought it'd be better to keep them in Germany so we could go on little adventures and such- I was also using it as a day detox, but I always did a little bit of coke after they fell asleep, just to keep the withdrawal symptoms away.

"Should we look for a park today?" I asked and she nodded, turning her entire body so she was looking at me. "Maybe we can find a little pool or something? You and Rem like swimming, right?" I smiled, but she quickly shook her head and covered herself more with the robe. "Since when? You've loved the water since you were a baby- I called you my little water baby sometimes." I frowned and she looked away.

"I don't like swimming anymore, Papa. I don't want to go swimming." She turned away from me and I sighed a bit before moving my chair a little closer to her. "And I don't have my swimming suit here, I forgot it." She lied, and I decided to drop it so I didn't upset her too much.

"Would you like to go to a park, though?" I asked and she nodded with a bit of a smile. "We'll do that then, we don't need to go swimming." I reached over and I held her hand, then she took a deep breath- it sounded like she had been holding it in, and it made me feel a little worried about her. "Alright, I'll go and wake Remy up, if you want to go and get ready for the bath- I'll bring ya-ya in and you two can bath together, then we can go to the park." I smiled, ruffling her hair, then I got up and I went to get Remy from the bed.

Lennon held the robe close to her while she walked through the hotel room. She refused to loosen her grip on it, and I frowned a bit before she shut the door behind herself. I tried to forget about it, because I assumed it was just something that kids went through and that she was uncomfortable with her body, but I didn't want to create problems by suggesting things that she could believe were true.

"Rem, love, time to wake up." I whispered, gently rubbing their arms. "It's half past eight, love, it's time to get up." I chuckled, softly, and they groaned while they turned to bury their head in the pillow. "Come on, time to bath so we can go to the park." They were just like John whenever I tried to wake him up in the morning- both Remy and John hated being woken up, and I honestly didn't blame them. "The park, Rem." I repeated and they shot up- their eyes still looked heavy, like they were about to pass out, but they had a wide smile playing on their lips.

"The park?!" They exclaimed, and I nodded with a small laugh. "Oh, my God, Lennie!" They squealed, getting off of the bed and running to the bathroom, pushing the door open and making Lennon scream while she tried to cover herself back up with the housecoat.

What I caught of Lennon alone in the bathroom was her in just her underwear, looking in the mirror with her body turned to the side, so she could look at her body. I had seen John do that before- he'd stand in front of the mirror for hours, looking at his body from every angle and picking at the things he didn't find decent. It was hard for me to see him like that, but now it was my daughter and I felt like I was going to be sick.