Skinny Love

October, 1972

I was reading an article from the 70's and it said that parents were supposed to give their babies orange juice and dessert-typed baby food for breakfast - like, newborns were drinking orange juice. Isn't that just wild? My goddaughter still isn't allowed to drink orange juice because her mom is afraid she'll choke on the pulp (even with no-pulp) and she's two - it's crazy. I love learning all of this stuff while I write, it makes me feel like I'm getting smarter haha!

October 13, 1972

John

"Are you giving her solid food this morning?" Freddie asked while he looked through the cupboards for her breakfast.

"Give her the, uh, blueberry stuff, then give her some watered down orange juice." I smiled, buckling her into her highchair and making a little face at her. "Say thank you to Papa for making your breakfast." I hummed after Freddie gave me her food.

Lennon was getting closer to saying our names and it was genuinely the most fulfilling feeling, if that made any sense. I felt like I was finally doing something right, because she knew who I was. She knew who Freddie was, too, but she was closer to saying 'da-da' compared to 'papa'.

"She isn't going to say my name just because I gave her food." He chuckled after sitting next to me. "But you're going to say 'da-da' soon, aren't you?" He cooed and she squealed while she kicked her legs a bit.

She was officially ours again, and we were both given a clean bill of health with our recoveries, so Freddie and I got to spend early mornings with her. I loved being up early with the two of them, while Brian and Roger slept. I felt like I could be myself and no one was worried about how much I was eating, or how my anxiety was- Freddie watched from a distance, I knew, but he let me learn when it came to Lennon.

"Does she like the orange juice? Roger and Brian didn't give any to her, because Brian thought she'd get sick." Freddie murmured and I shrugged while I held the bottle to her lips- we weren't sure if we were supposed to give her sippy cups yet, so we stayed with bottles.

Lennon made a little face while she drank the juice, then she pulled away and she frowned at us. She had to think about it for a few minutes, whether she liked it or not, then she held her hands out, like she wanted it back.

"You like that?" I asked, giggling a bit while she guzzled back the rest of the orange juice. "I think you like sugar, don't you? Uncle Roger said that you wanted a lot of snacks while Daddy and Papa were gone." I hummed, pinching her little cheek- she was smiling at me and I could've cried.

She still loved me, even though I hurt her. She was forgiving, and she knew that I was the one that carried her- we had a connection, despite our past. Freddie told me every day that Lennon loved me and that she needed me.

"I'm going to take her for a little nap before we leave." Freddie took a very sleepy, fussy Lennon out of the high chair, then he kissed me on the top of the head and he left the room with her.

We decided that we were going to go and see my mum that morning, because she hadn't officially met Lennon yet. She knew of her, much like Freddie's parents did, but we didn't introduce her to anyone in fear that they'd hate her. We wanted to protect her from her family hating her, but Freddie thought that she had to meet them at some point because we needed child care during our tours.

"She's going to be sleeping right away. I think she's still tired from last night." Freddie hummed after walking back into the kitchen. "How're you feeling today? You look good." He smiled and I felt myself starting to blush.

"I feel good." I squeaked. "I... can we have sex?" I asked, quietly, while he washed Lennon's purple bowl. He turned to look at me and he looked me up and down with a small frown. "I just... it's been a while, Freddie, and I really need it. The last time we had sex, I was seven months with Lennon. It's been almost a year." I wasn't horny while I was pregnant- if anything, I wanted Freddie to leave me alone. I felt like I was 'ovulating,' well, as best as I could, and I needed him to fuck a baby into me.