Skinny Love

August, 1985

Keep an eye out for my new book Made in Heaven coming soon!

August 9, 1985

John
We had had the kids at home with us for almost five years at that point, and it all felt like nothing had ever happened- well, we did have some slip ups with Freddie and I, but they were brief stints that Brian and Roger were willing to help with. They knew that there was no way for us to get sober in one year, so they got us in touch with some professionals and it really helped us rebuild our family.

Honestly, every single day that passed with the kids home only made me regret the decisions I had made earlier in life, because they were so amazing and so grown up at that point that it was kind of hard to form a bond with them. Lennon was thirteen, so the idea of forming a bond with her was pretty much gone- she had some hatred towards us, I knew, and it was hard to hear her crying at nighttime because her family wasn't 'normal'. Remy was twelve, and they still kind of acted like a kid, so I was closer with them compared to Lennon- Freddie was close to Lennon, they had a nice bond. I felt like they were closer because she was a teenager at that point and there was something about him that just appealed more to teenagers. She thought her papa was pretty cool because he was the singer in a band- but apparently I wasn't as cool because I just played the bass... and the triangle.

I still thought of Lennon and Remy as little kids, and sometimes it made them upset because they wanted to act like adults, and apparently I was being a bad dad because I always decided to check on them and make sure that they were okay. I was just worried about them getting hurt or something because we were still on very thin ice with Roger and Brian.

Speaking of the two, they still held a bit of a grudge over Freddie and I, but I didn't really blame them because they had put their lives on hold while we ruined everything. Now it was their turn to go out and have some fun- they had brought Hudson and Olivia by the night before, and I honestly enjoyed getting to have them around. Olivia was almost six, and Hudson had turned eleven at the beginning of the year. Our little family was getting so old.

"Uncle John, can we go outside? We want to go and play in the pool." Olivia crawled onto the sofa and I chuckled while I fixed her hair a bit- Roger was really uptight about it, so we had to fix it whenever some of the curls fell out of her ponytail. Poor girl, she had Brian's hair and it was an untamable mess. "Remy and Lennon said that they want to take us to their playset, and Hudson said we could play in the pool." She held my hand, then she looked up at me and I nodded with a half smile.

"Of course we can. I'll just go up and get uncle Freddie while you kids get your things together, alright? Tell Lennon, Remy, and Hudson to get their bathing suits ready, then we can all go outside for a bit." I kissed her temple, and she nodded before running back to Remy's room- Lennon didn't like it when the kids slept in there, she said that it was too childish.

I sighed, smiling, then I got off of the sofa and I went up to mine and Freddie's room. He had insisted that we got blackout curtains, so he was laying in complete darkness and I was scared to bother him. He had been sick on and off for a couple weeks, but he had barely slept the night before because he was throwing up and shitting everywhere- it was a mess, and it was hard on both of us.

"How're you feeling now?" I asked, quietly, while I crawled onto the bed. I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead and he groaned, softly. "I think that we should see a doctor this week, Freddie." I told him, quietly, and he shook his head.

"I'm fine. It'll go away soon." He murmured, then he sighed while he looked up at me. "Don't worry about me, John, honestly."

"It's just... you've had a fever for a week, I feel like we should see someone." He waved his hand in the air, then he sighed, softly, before looking over at me with a bit of a smile. "It's all going to be okay, John." He squeezed my hand, tightly, then I leaned in and I kissed him hard on the lips. He moaned, softly, and he held the back of my head while kissing back. When I pulled away, he took a deep breath and he smiled up at me. "You're going to get sick." He whispered, holding my cheek and rubbing my cheekbone.