Skinny Love

October, 1980

I know practically nothing about court, so that's cute. I wrote about what I remember from being a witness at my goddaughter's adoption court date, but it would vary from situation to situation.

Also, I'm thinking of just doing year by year now, because I'm planning on this book being finished by chapter 50 because I have another book coming that I'm really excited about.

October 1, 1980

John
The year had flown by in the blink of an eye, and it almost scared me. What really scared me was how distant Lennon and Remy had become, because Brian was getting stricter with who got them and who was allowed to see them- they weren't even his kids, yet he was controlling every aspect of their lives.

We had gotten them for most of the major holidays, like New Years and Easter, but Brian and Roger got them over ninety-eight percent of the time. Which I really didn't understand, because Freddie and I were genuinely working on getting ourselves better. He had a few months where he didn't feel well, and it kind of smacked some sense into us both because we were ruining everything for our kids, and it was something that could ruin our lives as well. We could've died from the drugs, and I wouldn't be able to rest peacefully knowing that I ruined my childrens lives just because I used a dirty needle or something.

Lennon also explained how she felt when she saw me pass out from not eating for days at a time, and how she felt about herself after seeing me like that, so we both decided that we'd get better together. She wasn't nearly as sick as I was, but she was still unwell and I wanted her to be healthy- her and her ya-ya were the most important people to me.

"Babe, you might want to see this." Freddie murmured, his voice sounded completely empty and afraid. I turned to look at him and he passed me an envelope. "The address is a law firm." He whispered, wrapping an arm around my waist, then I took the papers out and I read the top:

Mister John Richard Deacon and Mister Frederick Bomi Mercury are to be present in government court on the twenty-fifth of October, 1980, as per requested by Mister Brian Harold May and Mister Roger Meddows Taylor.

"They're taking us to court." Freddie squeezed my waist and I bit my lip while I nodded.

I felt like I was going to be sick- no, scratch that, I dropped to the ground and I puked into the bin under the sink. Freddie knelt next to me and he rubbed my back while I tried to get it all out- it just wasn't stopping and I felt embarrassed because I was starting to cry and Freddie hadn't seen me cry in so long. They were going to take away my babies, they were going to ruin my life simply because they felt like we weren't doing our duty as parents.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so fucking sorry, Freddie, this is all my fault." I cried into his chest and he kissed my forehead. "I ruined everything, you should just leave and fight for them because I don't deserve to be a parent anymore."

"It's alright, John, I'm here. I'm right here, and I'm not leaving." Freddie whispered, shakily, holding my body closer to his chest, kissing the top of my head and crying into my hair. "Don't cry, love, please don't cry." He breathed, petting my hair down so I would stop sobbing.

"Why did you choose me, Freddie? You deserve so much better than me- you all deserve so much better than me." I sobbed against his chest and he rubbed my back in response. "I didn't mean to do it- I didn't mean to do it!" I screamed and he shook his head, patting me in attempt to calm me down.

"No, John, don't start with that. You know very well why I chose you... I love you, and I love what you did for me... We'll get through it this time- we always got through it." He spoke softly and his hand rubbed up and down my back. "We're going to show them that we're good parents, and that we deserve a happy family." He brushed his fingers through my hair and I nodded, sniffling against him while trying to catch my breath.