Filling The Void | ✔️

Filling The Void | Chapter Three | Spaghetti and Meatballs

I hate meatballs. They're hard to eat and super gross unless you get the right kind.

Thankfully, Mrs. Nicolson makes her own homemade ones and tonight she's out in extra time to do so. This was the only reason why I was able to focus on anything but instead of the brown-eyed boy sitting next to me.

Ever since Kaitlyn has become adamant on us being - whatever she wanted, the space between us has become thick and I can feel myself putting a wall up.

It's not like Ryder's ugly or horrible or anything, but he's Kaitlyns Brother. He's seen me grow through the awkward stages, he wouldn't be interested in me.

His shoulder has literally been less than 2 feet away from mine for the past ten minutes and I don't think I can take it anymore. Just being next to him make me anxious.

"So, Aspen! What were you up to during the summer?" Kaitlyn's mom asks as I take a drink of iced tea.

"Uh..." I start, picking at the noddles on my plate, "Ya know, just the beach, reading, stuff like that. Though it wasn't much of a summer without Kaitlyn."

She winks at me from across the table as she smiles, confirming my great answer.

Mrs.Nicolson nods her head, "You still doing your art stuff?"

My heart stops and I bit my lip, watching everyone except Mrs. Nicholson, freeze as though they've been caught stealing.

The last time I had painted was last September ...before my mom passed away.

I swallow, desperately hoping for the nerves from Ryder to come back and overshadow these ones.

The topic of my mother wasn't tender anymore, it was easy to talk about her now.

It was just the fact that I was letting things I loved attach to her.

"Uh, not really." I mumble, looking down at my spaghetti, suddenly losing my appetite.

After my mom left, my whole world fell apart. She was the only other person besides Kaitlyn that I confided in, and not having her to come home to every day took a tole on me. There were even things I told my mom that I never told Kaitlyn.

So this past summer I never pulled out my easel or my paints. I never did anything To fix my dull heart because if I did it'd remind me of her. So, instead of going home to see that I had no mother painting at her easel, I opted for more beach trips and Romance novels.

Mrs. Nicholson doesn't seem to understand the uneasy silence and continues. "You used to paint beautiful sunsets, I remember that one time when-"

"Mom." Kaitlyn says through gritted teeth, interrupting her.

Her eyes go wide in question as her chewing slows.

Most people usually forget about me losing my mom, probably because I hide it so well. It's always been one of my biggest weaknesses, and I'm not one for pity.

I'd rather people talk about how sad I must be behind my back, than to my face.

After Kaitlyn gets a new conversation started, now chatting about school, we all fall into a rhythm. Them talking and me eating.

Though I was surprised when I felt Ryder's shoulder brush up against mine, him leaning in toward me.

"Maybe you'll start painting again this year? Things get easier."

His words send goosebumps up my arms and I bite the inside of my cheek, nodding. He wasn't talking about the painting, he was talking about grieving.