Filling The Void | ✔️

Filling The Void | Chapter Twenty - Six | Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Lose

The ride home is quiet, the words on the tip of my tongue, begging to be released. I wanted to say them to him, but haven't I this whole time?

How had I silenced that part of me? How I had I cut it off at the source, and put what was best for everyone else before me?

I'd wanted Ryder, the minute he got back from Georgia. The minute I saw him and fixed his hair, the minute he told me that it gets easier. The minute he turned to look at me over his shoulder.

I wanted him.

"Hi," I say, looking over at him, his eyes on the road.

It's dark outside, no one really driving, so he looks over at me and smiles, "Hi,"

Why can't I say the words? Why can't I just simply spit them out? I love you. It's not that hard, what's holding me back?

I desperately wanted to know but when he pulled around the corner and into our neighborhood I lost all train of thought.

Due to the black sky, we could clearly see the red and blue flashing off of its reflection. We could hear the walkie talkies out the window and I held my breath, looking around as we drove the street.

Thick grey smoke was rising into the air but it looked more like an evil shadow.

"What's going on?"

Ryder shrugs, tensing up in his seat, "I don't know."

He gets closer to his house and then passes it and when he turns the last corner, my heart drops. Two firetrucks sit in the night on each side of my home - or rather, lack thereof.

Everything is blurry and all the flashing colors morph together to create neon pinks and greens.

"Aspen." Ryder says, "Aspen you need to hold my hand."

Without my answer he pulls over to the opposite side of the road and runs around the car, swinging the door open and grabbing my hand to help me out.

He keeps me close by him as he looks around for - whatever he was looking for.

I'm not helping at all. I'm frozen, stuck in a deeper state of shock than I had been when Sebastian said goodbye. In fact, I still feel like I'm in that parking lot.

But I couldn't think about that right now. My house was burnt to ashes, laying in one thin layer on the rumble.

I couldn't see much in the dark but a lady walks up to us, her police cap up on, her face stern.

"What are you two doing here? This is a closed area."

I stare at her and she stares back. Thank god, for Ryder.

"She lives there." He points behind her.

She looks over her shoulder and swallows, looking back to me, sadness in her eyes. "Alright darling, would you come with me?"

I nod, zombie-like and try shaking my hand free from Ryders. When he doesn't let go I turn to look at him. He shakes his head.

"Um - " I try, only to find my voice shaky, "Can he come?"

The police officer nods and directs toward a cop car, we follow, Ryder's hand still in mine but as we near the front driveway of my house I see him.

"Dad."

He's strapped onto one of the rolly beds and I sidestep the women in front of me. My direction change had made Ryder falter too and he lets go of my hand.

Once free, I find myself sprinting across the blacktop to the ambulance, my brain suddenly working again.

"What's wrong with him? Hello? Someone? Is he dead-"

"No." Comes a voice, a mans voice.

When I turn my head I find it's a paramedic. I don't have enough will power to pay attention to anything but what he's saying.

"Is this your father?" He asks, not waiting for my answer before handing me a clipboard, "You're going to have to ride along with us. We need someone here to watch him. Someone he knows."

My mind flashes back to every doctor show I'd ever watched and I furrow my brows, "What does him knowing me have to do with helping him breathe?"

The man nods, "We can fill you in later." He presses his palm to my shoulder and directs me to the open back doors.

He gives me a look that I can't decipher through blurry eyes and says, "What is your name?"

"A-Aspen W-Waters," I say through trembling shakes of fear and emotion as I watch them count to three before lifting him inside.

"Alright, where's your mother?"

At the mention of my mom I spin back around to face him, my eyes pleading for him to ask a different question.

"Your mother hun?" he asks again, resting his palm on my shoulder.

Tears escape me and there's nothing else to do but tell the truth.

"She's dead."