Filling The Void | ✔️

Filling The Void | Chapter Forty - One | A Letter From Each Of You

"I want to read you something."

I watch from my seat on the bench as Ryder pulls a folded up piece of paper from his pocket.

He had decided that the best place to take me was my mothers favorite bench, and while it made my heart tender it felt like the right thing to do.

"Okay." I whisper, watching as he looks up at me nerveously before unfolding it.

His hands were shaking as he held it in his hands, "Don't worry." I assure him, brushing the hair from his eyes, "I'm not good at public speaking either."

This earns a smile from him as he scans back down to the writing.

"Just-..." Ryder mutters, looking back up at me with his brown eyes, "Let me read it."

I watch him for a second before swallowing hard and nodding.

"Dear Aspen, I've been messing up recently and I know that. I know that everything I do is confusing...but one thing I don't know is what you are to me. You're different than any other girl I've ever even looked at. I don't know how to talk to you, or what to say. I dont know what to do around you because you make me nerveous...and I've never been nerveous around girls."

This makes me chuckle as he smirks and continues, "You make me second guess everything I am. You make me realize who I am, not just as a person but as a soul."

As he finishes and looks up to me I realize there's one sentence left that he hasn't said.
I'm quiet as he stares back at me.

"I love you Aspen, and I always have. I don't know when I started to realize it, but as they say...it started as a crush."

His words make my heart swell as he looks into my eyes and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, his brown eyes dilating as he looks at me.

My mothers bench is powerful.

My mother's words...my father's words.

History is repeating itself right here, right now, because as I look into the same chocolate brown eyes that I've been looking at my whole life I know that he is the one.

He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life looking at.

➰

After Ryder had driven us back home I had gone straight upstairs and plopped on the bed, throwing my dad's jacket over my face and breathing in his smell of honey and mint.

The only problem was that something scratchy was bothering my noes, and when I lifted the black coat up off my face paper crinkled in the pocket.

My breathing slows as I look around the room carefully, as if I could get caught somehow.

Taking a deep breath I reach in and pull out a note that said, Willows Creek Hospital on top.

My heart dropped as I recognized my father's chicken scratch and soon my eyes where raking over the words.

Willows Creek Hospital

My Dearest Daughter,
Things haven't gone as planned. I wanted to stay longer but I suppose that is not what God has planned for me.
You should know a couple things before I leave you.

With those words I realized that he probably meant to give this to me before he passed.

Taking a deep breath I continued on.

Number one, is that love is rare, and I believe you've found it. I realize that it's probably weird that I'm talking about your love life, but if there's one thing I want you to know it's that Ryder came to visit me.

He brought flowers, which of course were daisys, your favorite kind.

I don't know if he was trying to place something with me that would help bring you there without actually being present...but they did just that.

I'm not upset that you didn't visit, I'm upset that I didn't include you in knowing about my cancer and I'm sorry.

I take a pause to look up at my reflection in the dark window. Tears where sliding down my face and I wiped at them quickly as I began reading again.

Second, your heart is a fragile thing. Never allow anyone to abuse it.

Maybe it's my 'I'm about to die' intuition...but I feel like you have all you need around you. You don't need anything more, so keep the people who are important to you close.

Promise me you'll do that.

I love you very much, and through my adventure-filled, tough ,chaotic life, one thing has always felt like home...and that was and is you Aspen.

Thank you for being my home, even when I didn't realize it.

Much love, your father

My heart burns in my chest as I stare down at the piece of paper shaking frantically in my hands.

I sniffle, and make my way over to the window, clutching the paper in my hands as I stare out and up at the stars.

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