Filling The Void | ✔️

Filling The Void | Chapter Twenty -Four | Right Here

"Sure! Sushi sounds good!" Was what I had said before I knew that I'd be standing in the parking lot getting broken up with.

He holds my hand in his, "I'm doing this for you so you don't have to, I know my family gave you a hard time."

My eyes are locked on his, the green feeling like it's draining, slipping away from me.

"Why are you doing this? I don't even like Ryder - why would you-"

"Because Aspen," He shakes his head, "I play lacrosse with him, I see the way he looks at you - I see the way you look at him."

I shake my head in defense the whole time he's speaking, running off reasons as to why I like Ryder as if they give him valid evidence.

I shake my head again, "No. I don't like him, you can't leave me because I'm telling you I don't."

His face looks conflicted but finally, he squeezes my hand, "Aspen I love you and I know I never got to tell you that for real but I do and that's why I'm letting you go."

Two Hours Earlier

"I mean I guess I'm hungry, didn't you just practice?"

Sebastian hums, "Yeah, you're right - I'll go light on it."

I laugh, buckling my seatbelt and turning up the music, "There's no going light with sushi babe."

I watch him as he drives, the wind flowing through the open windows of his car. Today had turned out warmer than expected and even though we were well into winter I felt like it was someone telling me that everything was okay.

Kaitlyn and I were perfect, Sebastian and I were perfect, and beside Ryder and I's current drama and having not spoken for a week since he'd called me out - we were perfect.

Sure, I missed him. Going to his games and just talking was something that I hadn't realized was comforting -but I had Bash now and we had fun.

After we ate we must have sat in the booth for another hour, just talking. He told me about his brothers next game and how a scout was coming out to watch him. He told me about how Abby had finally picked a boy against his own wishes as a protective older brother. I laughed at that.

He even told me about his mom putting up her own website and selling her creations there. As he spoke I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was dragging this date out so long but I allowed it.

Eventually, I forced him to drive me home - that had happened around the same time that the waiter told us they were closing.

We walked to the car like normal but when he didn't rush around to open the door for me I gave him a funny look. "Bash what's wrong?"

He presses his lips together and steps toward me, taking my hands in his, "I'm doing this for you so you don't have to, I know my family gave you a hard time."

My eyes are locked on his, the green feeling like it's draining. I laugh off his serious tone. "Bash come on, what's wrong?"

I tilt my head to look at him and his eyes turn pained. He runs his thumb along my knuckle, "We have to break up."

My mind numbs, a ringing sound quietly growing in my ears. "What? Why? Things are great Bash, we have fun."

His light chuckle brings back hope but when he looks away all of it drains away.

"That's just another reason we can't do this anymore."

I scoff, "What's the first reason?"

As if God himself had cast down a lightning strike, Ryder's car pulls into the parking lot. The black SUV standing out against the greenery around the shops.

For a minute I wonder if I'm dreaming because as of right now it feels like something horrific has stepped into my dream, a demon in disguise.

My eyes follow the car as it parks and it slows a little as if hesitating and due to the tinted windows I can't see him.

I move my gaze back over to Bash who has a knowing look on his face, one that says, 'that's the first reason.'

The same anger that had flared up inside when Josh assumed Ryder liked me comes back, only it's stronger this time. Because Sebastian - my boyfriend - is assuming I like him.

"Why are you doing this? I don't even like Ryder - why would you-"

I feel my hands heat up and it moves up the back of my neck, making my ears hot.  I pull my hands away, shaking my head as I cast my gaze downward, "I don't like Ryder."

"Aspen, I play lacrosse with him, I see the way he looks at you - I see the way you look at him."

I shake my head in defense the whole time he's speaking, running off reasons as to why I like Ryder as if they give him valid evidence.

I shake my head again, "No. I don't like him, you can't leave me, because I'm telling you I don't."

His face looks conflicted but finally, he squeezes my hand, "Aspen I love you and I know I never got to tell you that for real but I do and that's why I'm letting you go."

Tears wet my lashes and I stare up at him, "It's only been two months - why are you just now doing this?"

"I didn't know," He sighs, "I thought you just cared about him...but not like this."

My mouth opens to speak, to say anything that would defend myself but nothing comes out. My heart is hurting and that's because of two things.

One, I care about Ryder - in that way. And two, I'm fighting it.

I shake my head, "Please Bash, I swear I-"

"Goodbye, Aspen."

My eyes widen and I freeze, "What?"

He steps back, "Goodbye."

As he says those words everything comes flashing back. Lunch, sushi dates, burgers, him drawing stupid doodles on my homework, Jack making me try his sports smoothie because I said there was no way it work.  Him writing his number on my palm. Him saying my name at the party. Him getting my reference to the little mermaid when I'd asked him to clarify his name.

A breathy but desperate laugh escapes me and I realize, maybe this okay.

Maybe him leaving me is okay? No. It's not. I love him too - but...

"Aspen."

As if in slow motion my head moves to the side and I see him at seemingly the most inconvenient but perfect time.

I need him. I need Ryder more than I need Sebastian because I don't just have fun with Ryder - I feel with Ryder. I know with Ryder. I love with Ryder.

When the car next to me jolts to a start I jump and a hand slides itself into mine, pulling me out from behind the vehicle. I don't look to see his face, all I do is watch Sebastian's car pull out and make it's way back onto the main road.

My body aches to run after him, to fix it. To fix us - but what would I say? That I love him? No, that'd be a lie because I don't love him.

When he's gone I keep my eyes on the shoreline ahead, the wind blowing the palm trees. I still don't look up at him.

"Aspen."

Funny how just one word could make me go against what I wanted.

I look up, his brown eyes locking on mine. I don't want to move, I don't want to talk about us. I just want to stay here, right here.

Dang, to think that's not even the worst of it. Lmao