Filling The Void | ✔️

Filling The Void | Thirty -Eight | Say What You Need To Say

It's been six days now.

My father is - getting on fine.

I got a call yesterday telling me that tomorrow would be a good day to come in as they are discussing putting him under for the last couple hours.
To be honest, I don't have a clue what I'm going to do.

All I know is that now I'm standing at the coffee machine waiting for my fifth espresso of the day, and even though I've been drinking these like crazy I still feel so tierd.

"Hey princess."

Ryder's changed my name. I don't know if it has something to do with the death of my...well, you know who.
But, I'm kind of glad. I think I'd throw up if he walked around calling me sunshine.

"Hi." I mutter, blowing off the top of the hot beverage in my hand.

He smiles at me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder, "I was thinking that maybe I could drive you over today if you'd like."

I swallow the burning hot liquid and nod softly. I knew what he was talking about, in fact everyones been whispering about when they think I'm going to visit.

Ryder, of course, being the only one who hasn't set his own date for me.

But still he asks me every morning, just like this, if I want to go.

He lifts his chin up off my shoulder, "really?"

I nod and send him a wink that recieves the biggest smile, "Alright my little cheescake, tell me when you're ready and we'll head out."

The sudden nickname brings back the memory in the hallway at school, the memory that feels so distant, but still it brings a chuckle out of me.

"There she is." Ryder mutters, ruffling up my hair before planting a kiss on my head, leaving me to sip on my coffee in peace.

➰

The hospital looks so small from the last time I was here, almost like I had been dreaming that whole time. It almost feels like if I pinch myself I'll wake up.

So taking the chance I did it subtly as the car parked and closed my eyes.

and then I woke up....

Gotchya. Sorry, but-this is no dream. If anything it's hell and I'm living in it.

"You ready?" Ryder aks, pulling the key out of the ignition and giving me a supportive look.

I take a deep breath and nod once, reaching for the door handle and stepping into the some-what cold air.

"Hi, we're here for Waters."

The nurse at the desk didn't have to check my name instead she took in my tear filled eyes and pointed in the direction we already knew to go, but before we went to far she stood up and came around the desk.

"Mr.Crawford wants to speak to you. Are you Mr. Water's daughter?"

Taking in her words slower than I should have I nod in my state of trance and Ryder and I follow after her.

From breif introductions I remembered him. The tall skinny man with harry potter looking glasses and a long white coat on came over around his desk and shook my hand, telling me to take a seat.

So now that I was not very comfortable in his, not very comfortable chair I guess that was the go ahead to give me the bad news.

He talked for a couple minutes, adressing Ryder when he realized I was staring off, but then his words hit me like a frate train.

"We're going to have to give him sedatives to help his going process easier and in order for his body to function the time afterward we have to give them to him today."

I swallow and looked at Ryder, blinking away the stickiness from my dried eyes. "Today? When today?"

My throat comes out horse, but thankfully Mr. Crawford understands, "In the next fifteen minutes. It could get very painful for him to even breath."

The thought of my father in pain made me so sick to my stomach that I nodded and confirmed it without thinking twice.

"Then I would suggest," he says, his voice low, "You...go say what you need to."

My goodbye.

I hadn't even prepared anything.

I didn't expect today to be the day.

I didn't expect today to be the day I had to say goodbye...

_________
🖤