Hours turned to days. Jack wouldn't wake up at all now. He was completely still, him now needing help to breath. It was horrible just sitting there, not knowing what to do and not even knowing if I could help in any way. I could just sit in that chair, ever waiting on him to at least flutter his eyelashes, just waiting for something. He couldn't leave me. It sounds selfish but I had been there for him for so long and have cared about him so much it ached to think he could be gone any minute.
He could just go. It was as easy as that.
It was the next Monday before I actually got out of that chair, being told that I should go for Jack's father was there. Jack's father looked so sad, As if he had somewhat of a reason for his son laying in the hospital bed.
But he didn't. He actually didn't even know the full of the whole story, just told that he tried to commit suicide. That would knock him back into the past for sure. Make him remember all the memories he would of been trying to forget. All the memories I had been trying to forget.
Not a day passed that I didn't think Jack would someday snap once more, and of course, he had. I didn't like the first time. Sure why would I even like any time.
I was young and very under educated on the subjects like suicide, it not being really thought I'd need to know what it was about.
It was scarey just being in the hospital, but once I saw the burn marks. I just had to try and be string for him when I felt like breaking down and cowering away, leaving him when he expected to have me there. But he didn't trust me like he has until I broke down, letting me get emotional show him that I cared for him, telling him to not do it again. Begging him not to do it again.
That time, I don't know if it was for his father's attention or for a reason, but this time definately was for reason. I was the reason. I wish I had never had that pointless one night stand. It was so terrible of me. It made Jack not trust me, tell me to go, me obeying. I should of at least fought to stay, show him I actually wanted to be with him. But I thought he would of needed his space. I wish I had at least gotten sick of the space sooner, at least a few hours sooner. We might nit be in this hospital room. But I might be lonely.
I'd rather be without him than him die, but sure, that'd be a visious way of doing things for, in fact, he only done this because I left.
Well, I think that's why.
Everything was my fault though. He didn't deserve to be laying limp in a hoapital bed, limp and frail. Hooked up to multiple tubes and wires. Even needing help to get his oxygen!
It was scarier than last time, this seeming way worse. And it probably was. Jack had been awake. He couldn't do much more than cough a hello to me, but he could move his fingers and and wiggle his toes. He could smile.
Now he was just lifeless, the same way for the past four or five days. Just limp on the bed, not even moving. Having his father in the room was making the atmosphere even more errie, soft sobs coming from him as he hugged onto his son's hand. It had only been the first time he had visited, me forgetting to call people and tell them what's wrong, people gradually finding out themselves.
"W-What happened?" Jack's father croaked, his head jolting in my direction, his eyes gazing through me.
"He tried to.. again. Just got sick of it all," I murmured, not even knowing if this was true. I didn't want to be bullshiting his father, but I knew as much as he did apart from how horrific the sight of all the blood and gashes were.
"Why though?" he asked, his voice a bit louder as he stood up, walking in the direction of me. "Did you do anything?"
I choked on my breath as I felt the tears in my eyes. My stomach churned as his jaw clenched, him just walking back to the seat.
"What did you do?" he whispered.
I was reluctant to tell him, but Jack's father had a right to know why his son was lying in a hospital bed.
"Jack's ex girlfriend Holly came back. She kept on insulting me, then having a go at Jack for being with me. It got to much for me, me just storming out and walking into a bar. I got drunk and let a guy take me to a motel. I let a guy make me cheat on Jack." I took a look at Jack's father before continuing, him blank. "Of course, I had to tell Jack. The guilt was getting to me so much. He told me to get out, me staying in my homophobic parents' house, them dissing me and treating me like crap everyday. I missed Jack so much, after three days or so going back only to find him.."
"Find he had tried," Jack's father finished, nodding. "Has he forgave you?"
"No," I shook my head. "But he was awake for a minute or so when he was in the hospital for an hour or so. He said my name and told me he loved me. But he blacked out again and hasn't woke up since, only getting worse."
"I'm sorry, Alex," Jack father said as the tears started to fall down my cheeks.
"I have to get outta here," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets and turning on my heels. But one murmur stopped me from walking down the corridor, the familiar voice saying my name so sweetly and tiredly, my bottom lip just quivering as I thought of the sound of voice. The person the voice belonged to.
"Where's Alex?" I heard, me turning on my heels and walking over to him as the tears flooded.
"Jack, I am so so sorry. I am a douchebag and you don't deserve me. I drove you to this, I-" I rushed out, him cutting me off as his hands caught my collar, pulling my face near his.
"Shut up. It is not your fault, Alex. I am just a stupid person who was looking for the easy way out when I couldn't even try to get you back. I wanted to, but I felt that I shouldn't. I just know now that I need you to save me, Alex, or else this will just consume me even more each time."
I felt as if my body was just water, being squeezed dry if every tear in just those few moments. He just woke up and he was saying such things, me not knowing if he had been concoince the whole time or not, thinking carefully each moment, listening to my self conversations, just waiting for his body to let him move.
"Jack, I love you. I am so sorry for doing this to you," I said, noticing him itching at the bandages, loosening them. I leaned up, just watching him as he unwovened the bandages, revealing the red bump that were scares.
"I love you, A.W.G.," Jack whispered as he stroked a bit of his skin, me noticing how nicely it was writen on his skin. Nicely, it was sick how I could think it that.
"I love you, J.B.B," I said quietly as I wrapped my arms around him for a much needed hug, him letting his fingers trail up and down my back as I breathed into his neck, letting this moment of comfort seem as if it were not for a sad reason but for a hopeful one.
"I love you, Alex," he whispered once more, his fingers trailing up to my hair, tangling in and playing with it.
"I wanna love you. And treat you right," I hummed, hearing his light laugh as I pulled away, just sitting in the chair with my hands around my knees, not even noticing Mr. Barakat's absence.
I just looked at Jack with a smile, him at me, us not caring how dopey we looked. I hadn't been able to look into his eyes for so long, so I cherished the moment, barely blinking.
"Alex?" Jack said, me humming as he started. "Come here."
I done as he told, hopping out of the seat and sitting on the edge of the bed with my hands in my lap. His arms suddenly pulled me down, me just letting him spoon me, his lips just leaving light kisses on my neck as he held me tight.
"We need to get home," he murmured, his breath just wafting around. Chocolate. How does his breath smell of chocolate?
"Yes," I said, taking hold of his hand from the back of me, just letting hum comfort me when I should of been comforting him. But he might rather it being this way.
It was just a hopeful moment. Jack was finally awake and able to be home again.
