I guess I had been back long enough now. It was about time we tried to get back on our feet. Even if Alex's nightmares continued, they may continue for a long time. A month I gave him once that morning where he shook all the tears out of him, but he didn't seem to get a grip with the fact that I was back. Back for good.
He was constantly afraid to be without me, being needy of me and wanting me to go where ever he did.
It was starting to get a bit out of control. He had become a bit overenthused by the idea of me leaving that he would grip onto me like a part of my skin, fingers always touching a part of me; my shoulder, my lower back, just so he could remember that it is real life and I am not going to disappear.
I dispise myself for letting him turn this way. It was so unfair of me. He looked better, physically, though. His hair was his lovely dirty blonde, his scars healing but always covered by long sleeves, him telling me he thought they were ugly. I would of been lying if I said I disagreed. His lovely, unblemished skin was torn apart by a razor for the sake of me not being here.
It's all so hypacritical though, for I had been like this at many points of my life yet I frown and get upset about how ruined and broken my angel actually is.
His eyes had even lost that glint, the shine in his eye which appear more that I should of asked, his face lighting up with a contagious smile. But now, he was a lot more absent, curling up in a corner with his knees in his hands just for time to think. Time to break away.
He probably knew he was nearly close to loosing it, but maybe he already had. He had always been vague with much emotion, such as tears, not letting me see him cry. But that was when we were practically children, young and naive about the world outside our four walls and past the green mountains. We didn't know there would be an endless abbyss which we would occasionally fall into.
We didn't know what life would be like once we turned to each other to be a unit. To be us. We didn't know how much of a roller coaster love was, because truthfully, neither of us had felt it so hard before.
He shifted from his laying position on the edge of the couch, his toes poking me in the thigh, but I didn't mind much. He sat up, and crawled over to me, wrapping his arms around me.
"You okay, hon?" I asked, him letting out a sigh.
"I'm so fucking tired of it, Jack," he murmured.
"Alex, you have to remember that I am here. I promise you I won't leave," I said, him seeing a bit unsure of that but he nodded nonetheless.
I wondered if I should. I cleared my throat, his head ducking up to look at me. "I was, uh, wondering if you'd like to try and get your job back?" I asked, him cringing instantly.
"But I don't wanna," he grumbled. I guess I couldn't force him.
"Well, at least your parents give you a bit of money to get you by," I said, him biting down hard on his lip.
"The thing is, since you went down to talk to them, they haven't talked to me at all and haven't been giving me.. anything," he confessed.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I went to the bank and they said there was no money in the account. They must of.. And it kind of sucks not having a money. Rian and Zack had to buy food and stuff for me 'cause I couldn't. They left me with a bit of money but I'm running out."
"You should get a job then," I said, rolling my eyes but with a smile. But the look he gave me told me I had to turn a bit more serious.
"But you have.. mon..ey," he murmured.
