It kind of sucked having to just sit around in the house for my birthday. There was bruises covering nearly every inch of my body, me having a black eye also.
Alex was as quiet as he could ever be, him playing with his fingers as I guessed he was thinking of something, maybe thinking words over before attempting to brake the silence.
It was terribly boring just sitting here staring at re-runs most of the day. I didn't want to start the conversation, but it might of helped things move along. I opened my mouth to speak, but he caught me to it.
"Jack, how are actually feeling at this current moment? Overall?" Alex asks, me jutting out my bottom lip slight as I had to think about that one.
I could never tell how I felt or could feel off the top of my head. My mood changes happened far too quickly, me not even able to count how many moods I could actually go through through out the day.
"Right now.. I just feel very bored. But overall I.. I feel sad, Alex. Overall, I'll always be sad. I don't think I can change myself from being this way. I believe that this overall bordom and sadness towards life will end me, some way or another," I said carefully, trying get what I was saying passed my lips well enough that I most likely have to repeat. I took a look at Alex's face, deciding that might be a mistake when he started blubbering.
"Jack, you can't just give up again. You have so much to live for, you have so many new experiences to try. You don't know how much I will fucking hate myself if you're gone, 'cause I truely feel like I can never do anything to truely make you happy. Jack, I am fearing the worst fpr myself, mimicing your actions because I know that I wouldn't be able the live if you were wiped off the face of the earth. You don't know how mich I fucking need you right now. I keep it all tucked away and do fear that I might begin to crack," he said, stopping when he started choking on his words. I beckoned him over, him nearly spinting over and burrowed himself into me, wrapping his arms tight around my waist, legs just limply fallen onto the couch as he sobbed softly into the crook of my neck.
"Jack, you don't know how much I fear for you every single day when you were here, and then now. It is so hard to not know if you are suddenly going to be depressed. You are so happy and full of life. You're one in a million. You're the most beautiful thing to walk this earth. What mpre can I say to shown you how much you actually mean to me?"
"That's the thing. I feel you are the only onr that actually truely cares. My family barely seem to show any good emotion towards me. My brother probably proved that earlier on. And May, she just everyone happy but seems to always favour with Joe. None of my aunt, uncles and cousins seem too bothered with me. It is as if I am a stranger to my own family," I said, Alex raising his head to show off his pout.
"Jack, you never make any effort to visit them or anything so why would they seem totally familiar with a practical stranger?" Alex asked, his tone showing he wasn't trying to cause harm with his words, but it made me grimace.
He left it at that, not making me answer, my answer being nonexistant anyway. He got up from my grasp,sitting back in his chair. He stared out the bit of window he could see through the drawn certains, looking at the dark night sky, probable stars scattered around a full moon.
It was quiet apart from the buzz of the television. It was too quiet in my opinion.
But I didn't attempt any further coversation, just sitting there and pointlessly staring down at the box set, Alex seeming ro just be a bit frozen in though.
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Weeks past and the bruises started to fade. It was strange how long I had gone on with same sad feeling, it usually not lasting as long as it has now. Three weeks with the same brain dead feeling was bad, and there only to ways to rid myself of it.
