I woke up in my bed alone like the night before. I didn't think anything was out of the ordinary yet. I was in my room, in my bed, fully clothed. I just thought I had got drunk and walked home, Alex maybe being nice again and helping me. But he'd be here with me if we had somehow made up. It was surprisingly quiet, apart from the soft sobs I could barely hear. I pondered out into the hall, Alex's bedroom door wide open, him kneeling down beside the bed as he played with the engagement ring I thought he had disowned, sliding it up and down his finger as he murmured words quietly, tears streaming down his face. I was afraid to ask what was wrong for an unknown reason, my gut telling me ge would just lose it and get super pissed or something. My mind was fuzzy and alcohol was still lingering in my system.
"Alex?" I whispered, his eyes suddenly as I felt the daggers without him even looking directly at me.
"Get out of my house," Alex murmured. I raised an eyebrow, him groaning and raising to his feet. "Get out of my house and take your poxy ring with you." He plainly dropped the ring into my waiting palm, me just staring at him in confusion.
"What have I done wrong, Alex? What have I done?" I asked in a whisper, trying not to make things any worse than they should be. I could feel my heart starting to grind already.
"You kissed a girl infront of me. A girl!" Alex spat, grabbing the cuff of my collar and forcing me against the wall. "Why did you do this to me? If you weren't actually gay, you didn't have to be with me. At least I can have a life without you. You just think you love me, but I am still just your best friend. I don't think you can force yourself to be much more, Jack. Enough is enough. No more charades."
I was totally confused. What girl? Why? And I did love Alex. Why would I of asked him to marry me? Why would I of nearly died knowing I didn't gave him? Why would I think he was the world and every bit of sunshine that came from the sun? Why would I be crying over him saying those words if I didn't want him with me?
"Alex, I do love you. You can never try and doubt that I do. Yes, ypu are my best friend, but it feels so right for us to be more. I feel like the happy me. I don't sink into depression when I'm certain you'll be by my side always. You mean more to me than anything. I'd give up all of my breaths just to say 'I love you'. What more can I do to try and convince you?" I asked, his grip loosening, but I could still feel the ache in my back.
"You see, you think you have to prove it. You can't just prove it. I have to feel it in my heart that you truely love me. Yes, you care about me, but I don't feel that you are ready for me. I feel that you don't want to be with me as in a relationship. I just think you want someone that you can always trust to be there. Like a best friend," Alex said quietly, pulling away and sitting on the bed.
I was totally faded in my brain.
"So, you are telling me to leave just because of a stupid, meaningless, drunken kiss? Plus, you think I don't actually want you the way you expect me to?" I asked, him sighing.
"Jack, you threw me out when I actually cheated in the worst way possible. I listened and obeyed because I thought it was the best thing for the moment. I didn't want it, but I put up witj it. We need space and time to think. I don't think I'm ready for what you are for and neither are you. We just need to get away from each other for a while and think properly about ourselves, think of what is truely important to us."
"Alex, don't do this. I know you are truely important to me. I would never of seen that I actually loved you if you hadn't cared about me. I feel inlove with you from that time, Alex. I did not act. It wasn't fake. I am totally and completely inlove with you, Alex Gaskarth," I said, trying to take his hands in mine but he slid them away.
"You aren't changing my mind. I need you to go, and I don't want you to stay either," he said sternly. I felt my heart shatter as if it was made of glass.
"Don't do this. You don't mean it. I swear to God, if you make me leave I kill myself in the most painfully excrisiating way I can," I said with a hint of hysteria.
"Go" was all he said.
"Go?" I asked, him with a line for lips and his face emotionless. He didn't believe me, but I sure as hell would.
"I will kill myself right infront of you if you truely don't want me," I spat.
"Go ahead. It's your own choice," he said a bit too quickly.
"Actually, Alex, it's your's. Do I go, go forever, or stay?" He didn't respond.
---
I was fighting back the threatening tears as Jack said his piece, so set on trying not to let him get to me, just tell him to go and it was final.
"Actually, Alex, it's your's. Do I go, go forevet, or stay?" Jack said. I felt shocked. Was he really going to say it was my choice if he takes him life or not? It was never hoing yo be my choice, and I would probably just mimic his actions if he did so. I didn't respond, him waiting impatiently. He finally groaned, walking out of the house with just the clothes he had on his back, just like I had less than a month ago.
I just wondered, what will he do? Will he kill himself? Will he end his life just because I say I don't want him? I do want him, of course I do. I was just so caught up with the idea that whe I cheated on him he sent me packing, me obeying. But he was so reluctant. He didn't want to go even if it was just a day, maybe just hours until I relize how wrong I was to let him go.
But of course, the slam of the door signalled he was gone, me suddenly letting the sobs break through my throat, crying all over the sheets and leaving so many tearstains.
"God, please don't, Jack," I whispered, me letting my nails scratch at my skin roughly. I hated myself right now. Why had I even thought about letting him go?
Jack probably was the same, he even tried to kill himself after just three days.
Oh my God, I will remember this Sunday forever if Jack decides to be foolish and take his own life, just to make the point that he is actually dead without me, me not even able to try and get him back, just forced to let him rot in a coffin as he lay six feet underneath dirt and rock.
I couldn't move, but my mind felt as if I was already out the door and running up the street, finding Jack alive and well. But I guess I was after wearing myself out from all the tears, because all they may be were dreams, them possibly not going to ever be a reality ever again.
"Jack," I sobbed in my sleep, so many times.
I was afraid, nightmares creeping into my brain. Some stupid and not really that scarey but one stuck on my mind..
I was walking around a place with a grey sky, black floor with a dense forest fulling of gnarling trees being in the surroundings. I could see a flaming torch in the back round, hearing a familiar chant.
'This is Hollowe'en. This is Hollowe'en. In this place we call home' but it cut off as I arrive infront of an aray of creepy looking figures, fat and short, lanky and crooked. I noticed one figure was somewhat ordinary, Jack in a Jack Skellington costume. A deranged smile was on his face, his eyes suddenly burning up into nothing but empty sockets, black the only noticable colour. His raven hair fell frpm his scalp on feathery clumps, his face growing so pale and round. His skin started peeling off his hands, just bone noticable. It was revolting, me feeling as if I'd get sick any moment for the sight was no longer my innocent Jack, dressed up like he had just been the Hallowe'en gone, but a skelliton, nothing but bone in a suit with strangely thin legs and a terrifyingly creepy laugh. It was his monster most liking breaking through. I was the only one that could save him from his nightmares. For he was the Jack to my Sally. I suddenly felt a tingle go through my body, just looking as Jack changed to him normal self again, beckoning me over. The moon rose and the stars came out, the forest seeming more appealing as he was with me. We went to the famous graveyard, just looking st the curling hill, our feet swiftly taking us to it. The moon seemed as if it was within hands reach.
'Save me' I heard Jack say, him with a smile and his feet jumping up as he let himself fall from the hill, into the unknown darkness.
I woke up in a cold sweat as I gasped for air. I needed to find him before he does anything stupid. The sun was still high when I locked the door behind me, venturing into the town on a search for my Jack. I knew he couldn't have gone far.
