"Why, Alex?" I whisper as I pull him back from the ledge, sitting him down on one of the venting fans.
"I thought... My thoughts are clouded with screams and shouts. Whispers and so many other rumbles of noise. It is as if every noise I heard is just added to this pile. Memories not fading.. of our fights and such things that have affected me," he said.
" I'd of thought it was me that'd give up. I thought you were stronger than this, Lexy. I thought you didn't.. need this," I said, falling to my knees and resting the side of my face on his lap.
"Well, you thought wrong, Jack," he said in a dull voice, causing my eyes to force shut as I tried not to scream in the emotional and mental pain I was in.
He didn't seem that shaken at all with what he done. I don't think he had much emotion towards this moment at this current time yet. He might still be a bit.. a bit indecisive of whether he should try again.
It felt like a rusty knife was just slowly, torturingly plunging into my heart, but to no avail, leaving me in worse pain than I probably would of been if it had been able to take a life.
His hands started to move on his lap, going to my cheeks, just stroking the skin carefully with just a thumb, coaxing me to lean up just to throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing him so tight so that there was practically no space inbetween.
"I'm so sorry," I breathed, my breath shaky and my eyes with the little lick of moisture, a lump in my throat. "I should of know. I should of know something, anything was wrong. I should of known. Why did you seem fine and then this?"
"I was hiding it from you.. You might call it return if the charades."
"But Alex, you tried to kill yourself to prove assholes and pricks right. If you ended yourself and lifted your name off this page of an earth, then they would be right that you are worthless, weak and unimportant. But you are not at all worthless, you are as priceless as you be. Your the only thing of any worth to me. You are my gold. You are my treasure. I know you are not weak. You are way stronger than to be doing something stupid like jumping off over their words and our fights jumbling in. And you may be unimportant to some people, but you are also important to a lot of people. Especially me and, even if its way deep down, I'm sure your parents do love you. You friends and relatives. They all care, even if it may not show like earlier cases. Alex, I know you are stronger that me. I am weak but at this moment, I feel as is I could never be any stronger for you. I have to be strong to prove so many points to you, prove you wrong of false facts you declare of yourself. I love you are care about you so much that I'd give up the earth, give up my dreams, switch my place in heaven just so you'd get in. I'll love you until my heart stop beating, Alex. I'll love you forever if I can."
Alex seemed to still be in a state where his expression was still so dull. He didn't seem to take much attention to the words that spilt through, but maybe he was just trying to hide it, the emotion so he would appear strong, hide any response.
"Alex, speak to me," I pleaded, his eyes falling down to his lap, his hair falling down and over his eyes, clouding forming tears.
"Jack, I am not strong. I couldn't even bicker between myself whether to stay or go, I just contemplated staying for you, but I guess none of it worked. I jumped and was lucky you were somehow there to catch me. You don't know how much I wish I could feel I could protect you from yourself, how much I could drive away any such thoughts, but I feel like a total failure when I can't. I feel as if we are just supposed to end like this. Hand in hand if you wish, by our selves if you don't. I don't feel this is ever going to get better. I can't live with or without you, Jack. Neither can you. Its visious and torturous, this love of ours. I know you do love me but, we are not strong enough to stay near it for too long because we are too afraid to get our finger burned.
