It felt like as if a bus had hit me, his mumbled words and then his presence gone. Of course, he was pissed with me and had every right to be. He seemed torn just for the few moments I had seen him. His eyes full of salty tears and pale face. I dropped the bags from my hands and just clapped my hands around my face, a groan slipping past my lips.
"He hates me," I said, Rian and Zack's eyes on me as I briskly walked into the sitting room, flopping into the couch, smothering my face into a pillow.
"He doesn't, Jack," Rian sighed, sitting down beside me. "Your lives are just so crazy that you nor he can deal with it. He has been crying constant for the past few months. He has even started.." Rian trailed off, biting down hard on his lip as he decided whether to go on or not. I raised an eyebrow as I sat up, tucking my feet under me.
"What has he started?" I asked, a pout on my lip as I saw Zack wince.
"He has the scars to prove how much it hurt to have you gone, Jack," he whispered, standing up as soon as the last word left his lips, grabbing his jacket and closing the front door behind him. That just left me with Rian. Leaving me to become hysterical and ask so many questions with Rian.
"Scars?" I asked, feeling a tingle under my skin as I stared at my own, the initials less noticable, but nonetheless, still there. Just a bit faded.
"He just found as a way to stop crying for a moment or two. I didn't get it, and I guess I still won't. Why would you need to hurt your own self so badly?" Rian cried, it visable that tears were threatening to fall.
"Sometimes, it's just an escape. A thing that just numbs me so much that it blocks out every other feeling. Sadness. Anger. Anxiety. Just to feel as if you were slipping away for a moment, create twisted art with my own skin and a few razor cuts," I said, my jaw clenching near the end, my teeth grinded together so hard I though each tooth would shatter into a million tiny glass like pieces.
"You are both imperfectly perfect for each other, you know that?" Rian said with a sad smile.
"One's happy and the other is love sick, or else us two are perfect with being together with the hint of toxic suicide," I said, licking my top lip just with the tip of my tongue. "It's broke, but it's perfect," I said with a lityle smile.
"So you're not going to run off again on him?" Rian asked.
"We could only ever run away together at thos point. I don't know what to do though. I hate the lust, the fight and the urges. It makes me feel that one day I'll lose him for being a bit too dependant on him. I feel he'll get sick of it and just go, so I felt I should of left before I gave him his chance.," I said, Rian standing up, hands on his hips.
"He loves you. I've heard him wail your name deep into the night when ever he would see the moon, hoping you would stare at the same night sky and think of him at some point of your thought. He has been talking about you, mostly pointing out your flaws, but somehow ending up getting him mind changing it around that they were actually your pros. He is maybe even slightly obsessed with you but he would never tell you. He is too afraid that you'll reject him. He wants you more than ever, so don't let him go no matter what. Don't let him ever drive you away again. Stay by his side in the good and the bad. Say I love you to him every day. Jack, do... do.." Rian said, trying to tell me more, me just smiling like a total idiot as happy or sad tears latched onto my lashes, falling off and staining the couch.
"Rian, you are inspirational. Thank you," I said, just slouching down into the seat as I continued to smile, the thoughts of what he had just told me reeling through my head.
"Charades," I whispered, wiping the smile clean off of my face, my limbs going limp and my body starting to shake carefully as I whimpered not once, but twice.
