Even though the music seemed so sweet in my ears, I remembered still who it was wrote for, a friend who I wanted so much to fade from my memory, a love I wanted back but knew I shouldn't have. It was strange how much I still wanted to love Alex for I was the one who went, not knowing what may happen once I walked out that door. He probably got on with himself lile I have. If I could get up, he could. But what if him seeming as to be a strong person was another part of his long seen charade, me thinking that after a couple of weeks. Fourteen or fifteen weeks have passed since I had seen him, it a nice June day as I played the song I had wrote just for that boy, the love I just wanted to return to and have mine again.
As time went on, I found myself even more unable to leave, the shine of the Hollywood lights calling, me getting liked straight away.
If only I could just of stayed on the streets with just the broken five string, it would of been so hard to convince me to stay, to sleep on the floor and nearly starve to death. But then a sweet girl, youthful and bouncey called her mother to watch, the older type woman takung a liking to my sound and introducing me to so many people.
She feed me and clothed me then I was on my own and left with a few producers cards, unable to even call them. The clothes soon became tattered as I continued to feed on the little I got, buying cheap guitar picks with the little few coins that were thrown at me by the teenagers, their laughs daunting.
Soon, I found it so pointless, but I met a girl. Her name was Clara and she seemed so lost in the busy board walk. Her emerald eyes caught my stare, a smile on those lipgloss lips.
"Do you know where.." she trailed off, seemingly getting lost in my eyes as she had told me a while after. I stood up, looking ridiculously stupid with the tattered blanket a older man had given me, a few dollar bills and a quater in my palm.
She bought me dinner and let me drink a little bit too much. But I stayed quite alright, just mellow as we walked to her apartment door, her inviting me in.
I don't know what it was about her, her laugh or her overwhelmingly beautiful smile, but I felt that if I just went for it, it might ruin everything that bit more, Alex always on my mind.
She let me stay as we were just both two nobodies trying to make it, her after studying to be an actress, inlove with the stage. She often brought me to her shows.
After ten weeks of me being away from home, she introduced me to the stage, a small crowd just sitting down, her waiting for more to arrive. She let me play a song, catching the attention of a young gentleman in a suit, me getting the demo done and sent off. I was set up, right?
But Alex lingered in each word, it making me smile as I sang.
It was his song, our song.
"Thank you for coming," the raidio man said, me forgetting the boring name he had told me. Clara was sitting in the corner, smirking, her red lips just perfect with her 50's styled skirt.
"You were really good," she said, "I must get to my show," she said and gave me a little 'mwah' to my cheek.
"I've got a plane to catch," I said, a smile just lighting drawing it's self into my lips, her nodding.
"Farewell, my friend. Hopefully I see you in the future," she said before walking out the door with me in her heels.
"Thank you. For everything," I said, seeing her eyea close.
"Goodbye, Jack," she whispered as she got her car, driving off. I hopped in the first cab I saw, ready for my flight back to Baltimore. Back to Alex and my life in general. I couldn't rake it any longer.
---
Even though my sobs clouded every other sound, I could hear the click of the downstairs door. I stood up, my whole body shook as the tears fell harder.
"Don't fucking tell me you've came back after this long, Jack. I've needed you much longer, and you can't make up for it by coming home. You can just fuck off and do your poxy music somewhere else," I shouted down, running down the stairs to just see Zack and Rian with lines for lips.
"Don't be an idiot, Alex. You'd never mean that," Zack murmured as he sat down on the couch, Rian slumping down beside him.
"You've had to say that fourty two times already. So I must actually mean it," I spat. He shook his head with a smile.
"You have been crying over him at least five times a day for the past fourteen weeks," Rian yelled.
"Fifteen, you asshole," I shouted back, "He just leaves and expects me to actually get on without him. That won't work. It'll never work! I need him, and if he just comes back without me having any imput on it, I don't want him. If he loved or loves me, he should of stayed always." I felt hot tears as I let off the steam.
"Just fuck off and have a life of your own. I don't need you two stalking me," I murmured as I went half way up the stairs just to hear a big bang on the door. I froze as I saw the fuzzed shape outside.
"J-Jack?" I barely got out, Rian with a raised eyebrow as Zack stood up and went over to the door, taking a deep breath before opening the door.
"Speak of the devil," I muttered before going up the stairs fully and slamming the door behind me before twisting the lock.
