Alex gave me a few minutes to collect myself, leaving me alone the sitting room. I just couldn't think of my father being gone off the surface of the earth, even if he was dead and gone already. It was just a weird thing, me saying so much that I meant, but it dropping. The grudge stopped once his heart stopped beating. I didn't want it to be the case where I held it against him even in his grave, that just a ridiculous idea.
He was my father after all. I had to just suck it up and face the music. I don't know what was so terrifying about being there. My family seemed to be able to cope, the children young and naive, not able to know much of the siguation. I felt as if I was the only one that couldn't bear to stay there, or at least the only one without the guts to stay silent just for the day.
"Jack, are you okay?" Alex asked as he sat down beside me, the strong smell of cologne from him, it probably sprayed all over his suit jacket.
His roots were his perfect shade of dark blonde, but the rest was that dark brown, it making him look so rebelious, yet he could still pulled those cute faces just the same.
I nodded in response, feeling his breath on my neck as he closened, him resting his chin on my shoulder.
"It was all so sudden, wasn't it? I can't believe May was here and didn't tell me. I could of been there for him in your place. It was just so untimely. Why did this have to happen?" Alex asked in hushed whispered, his voice barely audiable to me.
"It was sudden. I don't know, Alex. Maube they just thought you wouldn't of been of much help or even wanted, for you aren't family, after all," I said, him raising his head and furrowing his brows, a pout on his lips.
"I'm not family, am I not? I am something very close. I am your significant other, Jack. I'm sure to be as close as family can get without being biologically related," Alex said.
"You know what I mean, Alex. May nor Joe probably wouldn't of even wanted me around. It's just a way that Joe does have and May always nearly tags along."
His sigh was loud. He sat up from his seat, standing infront of me, him chewing furiously at his bottom lip. "Okay, I think you're good to go, Jack. Come on," Alex said, shoving his hands down his pockets, only taking one of the two out to open the door, leaving it ajar for me to get up and follow, me sitting in the front passanger seat.
It only took a few minutes until I could see the silluette of the graveyard, the main building for people to sit and have coffee or buy flowers or ornaments for their loved ones' graves. Headstones were scattered everywhere, nearly every square foot of grass was cover. The sound of gravel under the wheels as we made our way into the car park, Alex pulled into the closest parking space he could find.
He looked over to me, wordlessly, just waiting for me to say something other than him. He just looked at me as if he was studying every feature, trying to find out exactly how I felt in this moment, or else just trying to mess with me.
I jolted my head in his direction, but stared down at my lap nonetheless. Waited a few more moments. The sound of him coughing to clear his throat was sudden, ending the awkward yet even perfect silence.
But no words were said, him snapping his seat belt off and getting up and out of the car, not even waiting for me to get out, him just expecting me to catch up.
I rushed out of the car, seeing he was walking in a slow stroll, me easily able to catch up. I looked closer and more carefully through the graves, seeing the mourning people, the thousands of slabs of stone stuck into the ground. Not one, but two yellow diggers were in the area, beside two open graves. Two piles of dirt just waiting to be thrown over my father's corpse and some other lifeless body.
