Paradise (Jeon Jungkook x Reader) (Book 1)

Chapter Nineteen

The thing is,
feelings change all the time.
Yesterday you may have been
completely and utterly infatuated
with someone.
Or entirely immersed in sadness.
But that doesn't mean that's how
you will always feel.

I fear that we may fail to remember
that emotions are not permanent.
When asking "how are you?"
we should stop accepting
the default "good, you?"
Maybe we should start caring
more about what people say. (C.Winters)

~~~~~~~~

"Everything that he has told you, is true, Y/N-ah." Namjoon agrees as the room went silent.

"E-Everything?" I ask him and he nods.

"Yes, everything." He answers.

"E-Even Hoseok?" I ask as I point to him.

"Yes, he is one, as well." He answers as he points to Taehyung. "Taehyung is the deadly sin of Wrath. Jimin is the deadly sin of Lust. Yoongi is the deadly sin of Sloth. Seokjin is the deadly sin of Gluttony. Hoseok is the deadly sin of Greed." Namjoon tells me and I look at Hoseok in disbelief. "Jungkook is the deadly sin of Envy." He tells me and I start to shake my head. "And I am the deadly sin of Pride, I lead the seven deadly sins and carry out Satan's orders to us." Namjoon explains then tears brim in the corners of my eyes.

"H-Hoseok r-really isn't my c-cousin?" I ask and Namjoon nods.

"Correct." He answers then I get up.

I leave to my room and lay down on my bed. I grab my pillow and wrap myself around it as tears slowly leave my eyes. I wipe my tears away then stare at my hands.

"Why am I crying?" I ask myself, quietly, then I chuckle emotionless. "I shouldn't be surprised." I mumble as my voice starts to break.

I start to quietly sob into the pillow, all current emotions spilling out of me like an overflowing sink. I grip onto the pillow, feeling my nails dig into my hands as I let more tears escape me and stain onto the pillow.

I hear a knock on my door then I poke my head up as I see Hoseok walk in. I immediately bury my head back into my pillow and ignore him as he sits on the end of my bed.

"You weren't supposed to find out." He tells me and I stay silent. "Not this way, at least. Better yet, not ever." He adds as he sighs.

"W-Was I r-really supposed to d-die?" I ask him, quietly.

"Yes, you were." He answers and I stay silent. "When you were sixteen, you were supposed to cut an artery open while you were slicing yourself up when we lived together. However, when I saw you that day and saw your cuts on your legs, I knew what was going to happen and I didn't want that horrible, awful death to happen to you. I broke down because you really did feel like the family I've never had before, you were supposed to die the next week, that's why I was constantly at your side. Once that week passed, Satan called me and scolded me and told me that when you're twenty and living by yourself in that apartment, he's sending Jungkook to make your life a living hell. I couldn't do anything to prevent that, it was happening anyways whether I liked it or not." Hoseok explains then I sit up.

"B-But y-you lied to m-me this whole t-time." I remind him and he nods.

"I know, I did." He agrees as he scoffs. "And I hate that I had to lie to you that I am not actually your cousin." Hoseok admits and I shake my head.

"And you h-had to l-lie to me the whole time?" I ask him and he nods.

"Unfortunately, I had to, and didn't want to." He answers then I gulp.

"So, I actually have no family?" I ask him and he doesn't respond. "Hoseok, answer me, please." I beg then he takes a deep breath.

"No, you don't." He answers then tears well up in my eyes.

"I can't believe it." I mutter as I cover my eyes.

"Baby cuz," Hoseok starts off, "just don't get involved in anymore of this mess you've created already." He tells me then I look at him in disbelief.

"How did I cause this fucking mess?! None of this is my fault!" I shout as I stand up with him. "Technically, you did since you had to break down crying in front of me, begging me to not hurt myself anymore. If you didn't do that, I would be fucking dead by now, why wouldn't you let me fucking die?!" I ask him as I stare into his eyes.

"Because I couldn't stand the sight of not having you as one of the only people I truly cherish!" He exclaims then I shake my head.

"That's because you're the sin of Greed. All you want is for me to stay alive for yourself, not because you don't want me to be successful in life, none of that. Everything is only for yourself." I snap at him then he huffs.

"Everything is not for myself!" He shouts. "I had you move in with me to help you get better, I had to build another wing for the guys to stay, I had to stop them from killing you, I did everything I could to make you happy!" He shouts and I step forward.

"And look where that got you!" I yell as my voice cracks. "I'm being tortured mentally by other fucking demons because none of you, except Taehyung, have the guts to kill me and even physically at school by the girls I've seen in my nightmares! Everything is absolute hell for me because I can't ever get over this stupid realization that I'll never get what I want, which is happiness and my family back, not you!" I yell.

Hoseok's eyes then slightly widen as tears run down my face, faster than a waterfall and I shake my head as I look up at Hoseok.

"Don't ever call me 'baby cuz' ever again." I tell him as I grab my suitcase and start packing my things.

"You don't have to leave-" Hoseok starts off then I close my suitcase.

"Don't ever speak to me again, don't follow me to my apartment, don't let ANYONE follow me, I want to be alone!" I exclaim as I open my door. "Don't ever come near me again, I fucking hate you, Hoseok." I spit out then pick up my suitcase.

I walk down the stairs then walk towards the front door and out of it. I start to pull my suitcase to a bus station and get on the bus there. I tell them to take me to the closest entertainment to my apartment and they take me there.

I get off of the bus and walk up the stairs to my floor then open my apartment. Everything was neat and tidy as I drop my suitcase and close my apartment door behind me. I press my back against the door and slowly slide down until I'm sitting on the floor, crying.