all mine | pjm

t w e n t y - e i g h t

Jungkook had bought you a toothbrush and some other toiletries.

After you're done brushing your teeth, you wash your face one more time.

You've been doing that a lot ever since the news.

You still can't believe this is your reality.

You've been living with drug dealers for months.

You always suspected something, all the signs, but you never dared to start to imagine what you would do if it was true. If the signs had  lead to anything.

You assumed the mafia, but it was so out of line that you'd laugh it off.

You wish you could laugh this off too, that this is all in your head.

You'll wake up any second now.

You splash water on your face one more time and look at yourself in the mirror. How do you get out of this?

You walk out and switch off the lights, opening the door to look for Jimin, he's sitting in front of your door.

"I'm going to sleep." you say, and he turns at the sound of your voice.

"Okay, sleep well." his voice is quiet, you nod, closing the door again, before he stops it with his hand.

"What?" you say sternly.

"I'm sorry, I never wanted any of this." he says, his eyes piercing into yours.

"I'm sorry too." you mumble and close the door, trying your hardest not to cry, you feel like you're being choked.

You turn off all the lights and get under your sheets, you already know you're not going to get any sleep, but laying in your bed is enough to help you calm down.

You hate yourself, you hate yourself so much for not pushing harder for answers; you let them shut you up, push you around, and you didn't fight back.

And through it all, you made a place for them in your heart, you let them in. You let them stay.

And even though you hate them, and all trust you held for them has been ripped away, you can't fight the small ache you feel for them.

The small rush you get thinking about them.

You had no one else, not even your own mother, you just had them.

Of course, of course, you'd get attached, what else could you have done?

They were so easy to love.

You loved them.

You close your eyes harder, fighting the tears you feel welling at your eyes again, it's so hard not to cry.

It's so hard not to get angry.

You don't want to hate them, how could you not? They lied, and they kept lying for days on days, not even trying to explain anything to you.

You were just like any other news anchor, they told you the same lie they told everyone else, medical equipment, you weren't special.

You thought you were special.

You put your hand over your face, you thought you meant something, you thought they cared for you, you thought you were different to them, you were so stupid.