Human // c.d

54

"I don't want to go." I admitted, my sad expression mutual to Cameron's.

His hair was messy, slanting to the side, and his dark pants hung off his hips, the line of his Hollister boxers showing. Damn him and his perfect body.

"I know you don't," he hugged me, lying his head into the crook of my neck, "It'll be over before you know it, and we'll eventually be on our way home."

Home.

"Yeah," I wrapped my arms around his warmed body, loving his comfort.

"I just-- I don't want to see her face, ya' know?" I mumbled in his ear.

"Don't look at it, keep your eyes focused on something else."

"Yeah, like what? The floor?" I half chuckled, leaning away from his hold, and looking him into the eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes.

"Me? You could look at me." He half smiled, kissing my forehead, "You worry to much Jessi."

I looked down at my feet, keeping my suddenly watery eyes away from his, "I know."

___________________

"You look beautiful Jessi," it took me a minute to thank Maggie, and my stare on her was probably creeping her out, but eventually I thanked her, hardly putting a smile on my face. She shrugged, side hugging me, wishing me the best.

I have to say, Maggie is sweet, and Carter is lucky to have her.. Really.

We had all arrived at the funeral home a few minutes ago, a few of my mother friends greeting me here and there. I'd smile to their face, but whenever they'd walk away, I couldn't help but to feel disgusted. They were so rude to me whenever I was younger, so why are they pitying me now? Because my mother died?

Not only did my mother put me through some shit, but also these low life "friends" of hers. They use to push me around, influence me into drinking or smoking with them, they even talked about me behind my back? What kind of grown ups do that?

But I'm not going to worry about that today, because like Cameron said "you worry too much."

It's odd how I'm actually listening to the crazy boy.

We were stood outside, everyone knew my fear of going in there, but we eventually did, and Cameron held my hand pretty damn tight.

Charlie grabbed my free hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

"I love you Jessi." She warmly smiled. I smiled back, my eyes forming tears.

"I love you." I said.

The room was oddly crowded, and I was being stared at a lot.

"Is she in there?" I asked, Cameron motioning for Jack Johnson to check.

It's weird how a group of famous teenage boys are at my mothers funeral with me. For me.

A few people were actually starting pretty hard at them all.

"It's an open casket." Jack said, half frowning.

I kept my head down, preventing tears.

We had walked in the room, and it was so fucking hard for me to keep my head down, but I managed to do it.

The room was oddly silent, and I was beginning to tell the boys that they could talk or something.

"Jessi?" A man with green eyes stood in front of me, a bright smile upon his face.

"Y-yeah?" I oddly asked, not recognizing him. He must have met my mother after she kicked me out.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked, and right when I was about to stand, Cameron and Nash both pulled me back down at the same time.

"Do you know him?" Oh god, protective Cameron.

I shook my head no, searching his eyes.

"May I ask who you are, sir?" Nash yasked, the man's smile slowly fading.

"I'm your uncle." The man looked at me, "I'm Will."

"I don't remember you." I said, taking my eyes away from him and back to the floor. I'm happy he was blocking the view of my mother.

"I came around when you were little, your mom and I use to be close."

I didn't respond, holding Cameron's hand tighter.

"Listen, Jessi, I just haven't seen you in years, and I just wanted to ask you how you were doing." He put his hands into his pockets.

"I'm doing okay, thank you for your concern." I half smiled.

"Here," he pulled out a card from his pocket, "Here is my business card, which has my number on it. If you guys need anything, give me a call. I'm here anytime."

Yeah? Where were you when my mother abandoned me?

Stop Jessi.. He's just trying to help.

"Thank you, sir." Cameron nodded, and my 'uncle' half smiled, taking a seat in the back.

I sat up straight, keeping my eyes on Cameron, I know he doesn't mind me staring at him, he does it to me all the time.

"I see you're taking my advice." He smirked.

I just smiled, lying my head onto his shoulder.

Later, the preacher stood at the front, but I didn't look. I made sure my mother's body wasn't in my sight.

After he thanked us all for attending, he called a few names up, and a few people said a few words.

"She was a great woman."

Or,

"She deserved more years than she got."

Or,

"She'll always be in my heart."

Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit.

"Jessi?" My name reverberated throughout the room, and all eyes were on me.

The preacher just called my name, meaning I had to say a few words up there. By her.

I slowly stood up.

"You don't have to." Cameron's whispered.

I nodded, "I know, but I need to." I quickly decided. Walking to the front of the room, keeping my eyes glued to the floor.