Because I Had You// Book #2 (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Because I Had You: Kinsley

I was enjoying my party until I noticed how much more people began to show up. I told Sophie I didn't want a lot of people. I needed to see people. I needed to make sure people weren't doing shit their not suppose to do, but of course. No one ever listens to me. That's when I decided I needed some space before I started to freak out. This night was always hard for me though because it reminded me so much of my dad. Every time for my birthday, it was always just him and I. We did the same thing every year, he took me to the zoo, we had lunch after, and then we went for ice cream, and by the time we got home which would be around 9pm I would open all five gifts he gave me. I really miss him. I really do. I was just sitting at the table. I didn't feel sorry for myself nothing. I just needed to relax and just take a minute. I slowly turned my head to the door as I opened softly. My heart immediately started pumping faster the moment my eyes locked to Shawn's.
"Shawn." I stood up from my chair as he walked in closing the door behind him.
"Hey." He placed his hand in his pockets leaning against the wall.
"What are you doing here? Wait, I'm sorry. That's rude." I felt like punching myself in the face as he cracked a laugh making me want to run and just hold him.
"Why aren't you out there?" He asked. He knew me. He knew my actions. I can see why he would be the only one to come and get me.
"I just needed some fresh air." I replied.
"Usually when people need some fresh air, they step outside." He added.
"Right." I snapped my finger knowing at this point I was just making myself look like an idiot.
"Sophie invited me." I looked at Shawn. That's all I did. He could've said no. He could've ignored her request. Instead he said yes, and the thought of that actually meant something to me.
"I'm not trying to be a buzz kill." I felt insecure now. Now that I think about it, people have probably been waiting for me out there and instead I'm being selfish and locking myself away.
"You're not." He gave me a soft smile.
"Come on. People are waiting for you." He walked to me placing his hand out for me to grab it. I didn't know why he was being amazing to me. I don't deserve it. I debated to grab it or not. He knew I was thinking about it. He reached grabbing my hand instead and instant chills went down my spine. We guided me out and the sight of the crowd made me nervous once again. I don't like big crowds. I don't understand why Sophie didn't understand that. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I work with idiots. I stopped halfway down the hallway and I felt my anxiety begin to kick in. I didn't want to make a scene, but god damn this really fucking sucks.
"Hey. You okay?" Shawn asked turning to face me.
"Yeah, just a lot of people." He could hear the shakiness in my voice. He knew I was nervous.
"You want me to tell people to leave?" Shawn offered.
"No. I can do this. I just get nervous you know?" He nodded. I took a deep breath and forced my feet to start walking.
"THERE YOU ARE!" Sophie sprinted to Shawn and I. She grabbed both of our hands.
"Lets go dance!" She pulled the both of us behind her as we squeezed through the crowd right in the middle of the dance floor. I liked seeing a lot of people have fun. The fact that no one had fear or sense  danger nearby makes me feel a little bit better. The DJ was playing a lot of remixes that made everyone just lose their minds. In a good way of course. Sophie was dancing with Luke, and I kinda had a feeling they liked each other, but sometimes it was hard to read that girl.
"Happy birthday." I turned around as Shawn and I were inches apart. I just wanted to lean and give him a hug where my head just rested on his chest and my arms were just around him and only him.
"Thank you." I smiled, and just like that. Just as I'm sure God was hearing my thoughts. The DJ announced to slow things down a little bit. These are times where I'm sure the government can read my mind...... I felt like a lost puppy. I'm sure Shawn saw the emotion on my face.
"Here." Shawn softly spoke as he stepped even closer to me. He grabbed both my arms wrapping them around his neck as he slowly slid his hands down to my waist. I just don't understand how someone like him is just being this nice to me. I. Just. Don't deserve. It. I took my hands off his neck and instead wrapped them around his stomach and rested my head on his chest just like how I explained and wanted it. He didn't say anything. He didn't look at me in a weird way. He just let me do it. I felt him rest his chin on my head, and I felt like this was everything I needed. I loved the warmth he gave off. I loved his scent. I loved smelling his cologne, and I loved feeling his skin. I loved how it felt when his arms were around me. I just loved everything. I didn't think this was gonna happen. I didn't think I was gonna see Shawn. And even though he told me Sophie invited me and that made me want to find her and punch her in the face, I guess she did one thing right for me, and that was bringing him.
"You know, if I still had my cane. It would've totally been stepping on your feet." I added.
"I wouldn't mind. Canes are cool." Shawn replied making me laugh.
"Also, I didn't mind you having a cane to begin with." I lifted my head up looking into his eyes as he was already looking down at me.
"I like just the way you were before you made changes." It's so hard to think someone like him loved the giant mess I use to be. Even though he never told me he loved me when I told him that I did, I knew he felt it, but before he could tell me, I fucked up. And that's when I have to remind myself I simply just don't deserve this.