Because I Had You// Book #2 (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Because I Had You: Shawn

"Be my forever
Be my forever
Be my forever
You're my bright blue sky
You're the sun in my eyes." I softly sang while playing my piano. I hit every note to match the song in a way that best made the music come alive. "Be My Forever" by Christina Perry ft. Ed Sheehan is one of my favorite songs I sing a lot when I'm on my own writing my music. I haven't talked or seen Adam. He knows to give me space because he knows what I'm feeling is real and all because of him. When Luke introduced me to Reed, I couldn't help but to love the idea of helping young artists let their dreams come true. So I'm thinking of writing a duet for the both of us to sing together for Kinsley to hear. Reed is young kid, he deserves his shot jut like I did.
I also couldn't stop thinking about Kinsley. I just thought when I would see her again. I need to. I need to have her in my arms again. She beats my music anytime and any day.
"Shawn." I stopped playing my piano turning to the glass at the most beautiful women I've ever laid my eyes on smiling at me. I stood up walking and opening the door. She had her hair in a side bun and I loved it when she wore her hair like that. Only because it kept everything out of the way for me to just look at her beautiful eyes and smile.
"I want you to come with me." She seemed calm. Really calm, she wasn't tense or nervous like the first time we talked, she was herself.
"Where?" I questioned as she reached for my hand.
"So many questions." She smiled as she guided me out the door. We walked out the label and began walking the side walk. I didn't say anything to her. I just let her lead me to where she wanted me to go. Her holding my hand in public felt right. It was like she was letting the world know she was mine and I was hers. That's a really good feeling.
It didn't take me long for me to realize she was taking me to the cemetery. I remember first time coming here and she was wailing in pain. She was sobbing so hard that it echoed the whole place, but the vibe she was giving me was signaling that she wasn't gonna act like that again. Everything seemed so good for Kinsley. I just can't believe it sometimes. We entered the area as we walked a couple of blocks back and finally stopped at her dad's stone. There was a genuine happy smile on his face that couldn't be taken away from him. Even if anyone tried. She slowly let go of my hand as she sat down on the grass in front of it as I followed and did the same thing as her.
"The other day I bought the lot right next to him." She softly spoke.
"I wanna be right by him when I die. He was all I had, and he's the one I want to lay to rest with." She gave a soft smile as she reached for the flowers on his grave and rearranged them.
"That's a great place to be." I replied.
"As I started to come here more and more I realized something really important." She sat back down right next to me.
"What's that?" I questioned her.
"That I need to hold onto the love, not the loss." Her words reminded me of the exact or similar thing I said the other night with her. When I realized I needed to stop fighting my emotions and let my heart pick, I said those same exact healing words.
"We see the truth about the people we love in the way they choose to leave us." She sighed and turned her head to me. I thought of how I just walked out on her. I thought how I left her standing cold and alone. I left her where she needed people the most, and the one person she loved and laid her life out for failed her. Instant guilt consumed me. How could I be the man for her? How?
"I I I -" I cleared my throat. I couldn't look at her in the eyes.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled sniffing my nose.
"Shawn." She whispered as she placed her hand on my cheek directing my eyes to hers.
"I was talking about my dad. Not you." She gently started rubbing her thumb against my cheek sending chills down my spine.
"You didn't do anything wrong. I saw you loved me. That's why you left, and when you said for me to love myself I knew I was coming back and you were gonna allow me to come back." She explained. She was just so strong and independent. She was always gonna be stronger than I was.
"My dad did everything he could for me. I didn't even know what a mom was or what their roles were because for a long time I thought every kid had just a dad you know?" She laughed to herself.
"I feel like I've come to accept more of my past and who I was and who I am now more."
"You know Kinsley, when I was touring I felt really stuck." She paused and directed all her attention on me. I wasn't good at expressing myself to her in the beginning, but that's gonna change now. I have her, and I'm not letting her go this time.
"I felt like there was all this pressure on me, and I felt like people kept expecting one thing out of another and out of another from me. Don't get me wrong. Your situation is far more different than mine, but-"
"Do you find it hard to sing that song. The one you wrote about me? And what I did to you?" She interrupted. I stared at her in the eyes unsure wether or not to answer her.
"I do." I swallowed deep. This was the time for us to be more honest. There was still a lot of holes that needed to covered between the both of us.
"I find it extremely hard to sing it, but it's one of the best selling singles I've released." I added.
"You know I listened to that song over a million times." Kinsley looked back her dad's grave. There was a hint of sadness that hovered over her. I could imagine her sitting in her room playing that song and running through everything that fell apart with her, and the thought of that killed me.
"I listened to your lyrics, and the tone of your voice. I think the tone of your voice is what I felt the most." She rubbed the back of her neck. I could tell she was getting uncomfortable.
"And I didn't even realize you were in that much pain. Like you couldn't sit and deal and let the pain sit in because you had to put on shows, and then attend events, and then meet greets, and the list goes on and on. Like you could just sit and deal with everything." Everything she was saying was true. Everything she was forming out of her mouth is exactly how I felt. Because by the time I actually let the pain sit in, it was like a hurricane hit me because I let all my emotions build up to one strong emotion that it hit me so hard and knocked the wind out of me.
"And I'm sorry I did that to you." She finally let out. I shook my head. She didn't need to be sorry anymore.
"Hey." I moved my arm around her shoulder pulling her close to me.
"Don't apologize to me anymore." I whispered as she laid her head on my shoulder.
"It's okay." I moved my pointer finger under her chin guiding her face to move upward into my eyes.
"It's okay." I whispered again as I leaned gently placing my lips to her giving her a soft kiss.
"We all fall apart sometimes so that way we can find ourselves all over again." I spoke.
"Did you come up with that all by yourself?" She started to giggle as I wrapped both my arms around her squeezing her.
"Yes I did, and it was a damn good one!" I joked as she began to laugh in a way that melted my heart and mended my scars again. My blood finally flowed normal and the feelings in my body were controlled every time she laughed. Every time she let out a sweet, genuine, god damn good laugh. I wanted moment like these all the time, and I know I can only have them with her. No one else. Kinsley and Kinsley only.