Because I Had You// Book #2 (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Because I Had You: Kinsley

All night I couldn't stop thinking about Shawn. I had a great birthday, but he. He made it all better, and in some weird way that makes sense. I was 100% surprised to see him, but I didn't overreact or did anything. I embraced the moment, and he did the same thing back. I also can't help to think Sophie had something to do with all of this. I love that girl, and she has been the only person who has just been with me through everything, but we all have moments where we want to punch that special someone in the face. I kept pacing back and forth in my office just thinking what my next moves would be.
I decided to call Sophie to my office to scream at her, but also to thank her. I couldn't stop thinking though, what if Shawn had someone else in his life? Or is he just being nice to me because he feels bad for me. I just don't know, and that even eats me up alive more.
"Hey chica, I have a little problem." Before Sophie could finish her thought I walked and socked her so hard in the arm to where she fell on the ground.
"What the fuck Kinsley?" She snapped standing up and holding her arm.
"Why would you invite Shawn! He hates me! There's a reason he didn't want to be with me anymore-"
"But he still came!" She interrupted me.
"He said yes. He still came. He didn't give a shit about the past. In matter fact, he didn't even think about it before he answered." She explained.
"So with that being said." She walked socking me even harder in my arm making my eyes water.
"Screw you!" She yelled blowing my face back. I blinked a couple of times and sighed.
"You think I'm an idiot?" Sophie walked sitting on the chair across my desk.
"What?" I added sitting in the chair right next to her.
"Seeing you guys together felt right. I saw it not on just your face, but his." She looked down and began to smile.
"There was something in his eyes and the way he looked at you wasn't the same as it was before. It was different. A good different." I couldn't help but to wonder what she meant.
"We talk, but we don't say anything." I finally let out.
"It's just not meant to be-"
"No one said you had to be together-"
"But I do." I snapped making her jump.
"That's all I've ever wanted, and the hardest thing in the fucking world is knowing I'll never gain that back. That's a loss Sophie. That's a real fucking loss." My frustrations finally got the best of me. I couldn't believe I said that out loud, but I get tired of holding things in at times.
"Kinsley. Look at me." Sophie stared at me deeply. She had nothing but seriousness on her face.
"Stop thinking about what you loss. Do you hear me?" I began to bite the bottom of my lip.
"It's not about the loss, its about the love. Remind yourself that. Right now." I soaked in her words. I took everything she told me.
"Get out of your head. Get out of it. I'm serious." I took a small sighed and grabbed her hands.
"I'm sorry." I whispered really meaning everything.
"I'm not mad at you. You're doing amazing with yourself, don't let something or someone stop those changes from you. Please." She gave me a small side smile squeezing my hand tight back in return.
"No one said you have to take things fast. Things happen slow, and that's the best because then you can enjoy every minute of it." Sophie laughed to herself.
"I know. I just feel like I'm always falling behind, but I understand." I responded.
"Just be Kinsley. The fun goofy Kinsley that walks and trips. Talks too fast and spits. Freak out when something is perfect and is calm when there's nothing, but chaos."
"Ladies, there's a gentlemen waiting for Kinsley downstairs." Philip opened the door.
"Oh shoot. Did I ruin a moment?" Philip looked concerned.
"No, but that's what I came in here for and said we have a problem Kinsley before you attacked me." Sophie stood up and immediately had discomfort in her face. I didn't know what was working her up, but I grabbed my clipboard and walked for the door.
"Wait Kinsley." Sophie tried to stop me.
"Hey. I'm okay, I promise." I gave her smile letting her know that I am strong, and I can do anything without my head being the biggest battle of all.
"No. Seriously, let me just warn-" before I could let her talk I walked out the door with Philip. I know she's always trying to protect me, and I always appreciate it.
"This guy looks like he's upset or sad or something like that. Did you piss anyone off recently?" Philip asked as we both turned down the hall straight for the stairs.
"Not at all. I never make things difficult." I responded as we reached the bottom floor.
"Hmmm, well let me stand by you for a little just to make sure your safe." Philip added. I didn't know why he would need to, but I respect it and love his kindness for that.
"Thank you Philip, but I can protect-" before I could say, think, or even breath my heart and lungs felt all the air left them. I felt immediately like passing out, and Philip saw it in my face the moment I made eye contact with Matthew who was standing right in front of the front desk.
"Kinsley. You alright?" Philip placed his hand on my back catching me from losing my balance. Matthew stood up straight and a small side smile came across his face.  I felt like stopping and running to opposite direction. Everything was just hitting me. Everything was slapping me in the face. Why in the world is this happening now. Why?
I walked slowing till I was finally face to face with him. He looked almost the same, just taller and has a small scruff around his chin and cheeks. He still had those green eyes you couldn't miss.
"Matthew." I finally spoke knowing he saw me shaking.
"Hi Kins." He let out a smile and right then and there. My world is finally gonna collapse.