Because I Had You// Book #2 (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Because I Had You: Kinsley

"Were you expecting any of this to happen?" My therapist looked intrigued by everything I told her. I explained how we met once again and everything about our date so that way she had a better idea of why this was just perfect to me.
"I wasn't expecting any of this. I wasn't expecting myself to even see him again, but when I thought he left he came back, and I just laid it out on the line for him." I nodded.
"I told him everything. I just apologized, and I know the words I'm sorry are just words, but I actually mean it. I really do." I felt sad saying those words to her, but I also felt a hint of brightness knowing I had a lot more work to do, but I'm slowly getting there.
"You think he meant what he did?" She questioned. I thought about his arms around me and I thought how emotional he got when he told me he loved me. I thought about laying down right next to him and how he just wouldn't take his eyes off of me.
"I do." I smiled. People say you find the one true person and one love of your life one time in your life, and I couldn't help to think mine was Shawn.
"Well, what are you gonna do next?" She asked.
"I don't know. I have this really bad habit of trying to make plans and then they never go well in the future, so I'm taking it one day at a time." I nodded with confidence.
"Sounds like a great plan to me." She smiled back.

I walked into the label as I was immediately greeted by Sophie, but it wasn't her usual self. She looked upset. Overwhelmed.
"Things just seem to be going good for you, but Matthew is here again and I put him in your office because he said he wasn't leaving till he actually talked to you." She spoke faster than normal. She was nervous for me. I didn't know what he wanted or what he needed, but I needed to tell him to go. As bad as my heart is breaking and as much as my heart is sinking, I can never move on for my past unless I've learned to overcome it.
"I got this." I sighed.
"Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?" She looked deeply concerned.
"Just don't let Shawn come to my office. I need to do this myself." She nodded to my request and went for Shawn's recording room. I walked up the stairs and the thought of Matthew being inside my office literally haunted me. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I'm gonna make sure he knows where I stand. I gently opened my door as he was sitting in the chair across my desk. He turned his head at me as he stood up. He was wearing a jean jacket and black jeans. He looked so handsome, but my attention wasn't on anything else, but getting him to leave me alone.
"Kinsley." He smiled. He stepped close to give me hug as I instantly backed up. He knew and saw my motions and took a step back himself. I walked to my desk placing all my things down.
"Matthew. What are you doing here?" I took a deep breath and finally made eye contact with him.
"I just came to stop by." He shrugged his shoulders. He seemed uncomfortable. Something was bothering him, and I had a weird feeling that wasn't me he was here for.
"Well how are you?" He asked as I sat down and he did too.
"I'm doing really good." I nodded.
"You don't have your cane?" He looked around trying to spot it.
"No. I've done physical therapy. A lot of it." I emphasized.
"Look at you go." He smiled.
"How are you?" I questioned back.
"I'm doing alright." He sounded hesitant. He sounded unsure.
"How are you and Lauren?" I didn't know if they were still together, engaged, or married.
"We're not together anymore. We haven't been for a year now." He ran his fingers through his hair.
"Im so sorry to hear that." I did feel bad because she really did love him.
"Look, the real reason why I'm here is because I miss you." He finally let out the truth.
"Matthew, I knew it. I can't-"
"No Kinsley. Not in that way. Not as in I miss you as in I love you." I paused at his words. Surprised really.
"I miss my best friend. I miss the girl who I use to run to when I was nervous for a date and the girl who would just listen as I talked to shit about everyone or everything." I blinked a couple of times. He was really surprising me by what he was saying.
"I messed up. I messed you up, and I messed your relationship with Shawn up. A best friend isn't suppose to interfere with what makes their best friend happy, and that's what I did. That's why I stopped associating myself with you because I couldn't live with myself, but now that I know I need to heal myself it starts with your forgiveness." He looked down. He didn't want to make eye contact with me. He was my best friend. Since diapers. We talked shit on everyone, we laughed at everything, and mocked everyone. We did fun things together, we watched movies, help prepare one another for dates. Everything. After my dad died, he was there every step of the way. He honestly did help me walk again with my three legs at the time.
"I really just need to think about it Matthew." I whispered.
"Take all your time too. I'm not rushing or being desperate for answer. I just needed to get myself heard by you, your respect is everything." He stood up. He was signaling that he was leaving. I didn't want him to go by himself so I stood up and opened the door for him.
"I'll call you okay?" He sighed to my words.
"Can I give you a hug?" He asked.
"No Matthew. Not right now." I knew where I was standing with this and he needed to know that. He gave me a small nod and had sadness filled in his eyes. He gave me one last look before heading straight out the door and not looking back once.