Because I Had You// Book #2 (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Because I Had You: Kinsley

I placed a venti iced vanilla latte and a dozen roses on my dad's stone. The flowers were laid diagonally and the drink was at the very corner. That was his favorite drink from Starbucks, I get it every time I come and see him. Some days are harder than others, but most of the time I come and absolutely enjoy every second of it. Yesterday was just a low point for me. Probably the lowest I've ever been in a really long time. I didn't know what was happening or what plans the were for me, but I just feel so confused and hurt. I barely could say anything to Matthew. I didn't want him in my life, but he was my best friend since we were in diapers so I just felt like everything didn't make sense. Then I ran into Shawn, and I thought him seeing Matthew would've made him look at me and say I'm pathetic and never talk to me again, but that didn't happen. Instead he found me. That's all he did, and right then and there he made me fell somewhat alive again. 
I cross my legs sitting in the grass in front of my dads stone drinking my own iced coffee. I just let the wind blow in my face and a sense of peace always hit me when I took the minute to do that. Sometimes it breaks my heart when I come here. I see some families just break down in tears, others having bbqs, and others decorating. It's just crazy how when someone dies a whole person is messed up forever. Trust me. I would know.
"I got you three new deals these past couple of weeks." I said out loud looking at the picture of my dad who was smiling, harm free in the picture. I talk to him every time I come, I love talking to him. I just love it because I know he's always listening.
"One of them being Shawn. I know I know. What are the odds right?" I chuckled.
"You said Kinsley. Boys will be boys, but I can't help to think that doesn't apply to Shawn." I nodded knowing he was listening.
"You raised me better than what I was. Which is why I got help. So yes. I deserve a high five." I high fived his stone.
"For some reason I can totally imagining you making a joke at me right now for how I've been." I laughed knowing how my dad was. He made a joke out of everything. Even if it was the worse case scenario. He never wanted bad energy. All he wanted to do was send good vibes. I try really hard to do the same. Just for him.
"I don't want to make the same mistakes dad." I nodded taking another sip.
"But I feel like I'm always watching everything I'm doing, and it just gets so exhausting." I ran my fingers through my hair. I stared at my dad's stone for a solid five seconds.
"Sure. Give me the silent treatment pops. I'll figure it out on my own advice." I rolled my eyes and huffed to myself. My dad can be so selfish sometimes.
"But I do know what I want. Sometimes I just get scared doing it or saying it because I don't want to hurt anyone." I whispered. My dad would say, "Kinsley, go for it, your dad's girl." I can imagine him saying that in my head which puts a bigger smile on my face. Even though he wasn't actually here, I could feel him and I have in my memories, and no one can take my memories of my dad away from me.
"Dad, you remember when you first bought the label and within months you almost lost it because you weren't making business and running out of money?" I asked just watching the grass sway back and forth towards the movement of the wind.
"I remember you saying don't give up. Super cliché, but that's what you said. You said don't give up because of what's happening. Give up because of how you feel, and you didn't feel like giving up so you kept going and turned out to be the biggest label in the world." I smiled thinking of all the articles, headlines, and awards my dad has won.
"I'm not giving up. I won't. So I'm gonna take what I have and make the most of it because that's what you would do. So as you're listening to me now." I turned and locked my eyes to his picture that will always be my favorite picture.
"Believe every word I say." I grabbed my nice coffee leaning over and cheersing it with his taking a sip to my words.

I walked into the label the next morning walking straight for Sophie who was at the front desk.
"BEFORE YOU PUNCH!" She stormed from her chair backing up using the counter as her guard.
"I TRIED TO WARN YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!" She pointed her finger at me protecting herself.
"Sophie." I started to laugh as her actions made her seem like a cartoon character in a movie. I knew it thought. I knew she was trying to warn me, I just didn't know at that time.
"Come here. I'm not gonna hit you." I whispered waving my hand for her to come. She hesitated to think about it, until she finally gave in.
"What do you want?" She added.
"I'm gonna do it." I stood up straight as she arced a brow towards me.
"What exactly are we talking about?" She looked clueless.
"I'm gonna ask Shawn to have dinner with me. I can't guarantee anything, but it's a start, and when we first saw each other. I told him, and showed him a new me. I'm gonna keep that promise." I felt proud of myself. Small steps are always the best steps.
"What!" She jumped up and down clapping her hands together.
"Why are we acting like girls!" Luke came walking in and started to jump with Sophie and clapping his hands. Mocking her.
"Asshole." She stopped giving him an evil glare.
"That's my girl." She winked as I left her and Luke at the counter with one another. I walked towards Shawn's room. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what was gonna happen. I didn't think about Matthew. I threw him out of my mind and the image as well. Shawn was mine, and he always has been. I needed him, I wanted him. Though it kills me, and what I did to hurt him haunts me, I can't change the past. Only learn from it. So I stood in front of his door slowly opening it as he was in the recording room playing his electric guitar. God, he looked so damn handsome that it was absolutely hard for me to control myself. I shut the door behind me. I walked to the electronic table clicking the mic that aired in the recording room.
"Shawn." I spoke as he jumped and stopped playing. He turned his head as I noticed his eyes lit up when he saw me.
"Tomorrow, I'm making dinner." I paused feeling instant nerves hit me. I was about to coward out, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.
"I want you to come. Please." I sighed feeling shaky placing a small sticky note of my new address on the table. He blinked a couple of times before a small smile appeared on his face. He gave me a nod as I felt a sense of peace turned and walked out the room.