Because I Had You// Book #2 (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Because I Had You: Shawn

I once read a quote that said, "If you didn't feel it, it didn't matter." Probably the most accurate quote I've ever read and strongly live by. I haven't eaten, sleep, drink, or do anything these past couple of days. When I lay down, I keep shutting my eyes real tight and then opening them as fast as I can hoping to see Kinsley laying right by me. Her death is all over the news, "Most popular label in the world owner has just died." That's what I'm reading and seeing everywhere. "Shawn Mendes girlfriend dies at 21." Is another one I see around too. I have hundreds of people at my house, I have hundreds of calls, hundreds of interviews. I've just ignored every single thing. My social media is buzzing, a lot of fans sending me love. Which I appreciate from the bottom of my heart.
When walking into the label, every vibe from every worker was off. Everyone was in a phase of darkness and gloominess. Sophie wasn't at the front desk. She probably needed some time off, I know she felt like she just lost a sister.
I walked into my recording room and everything still looked the same. I don't know why I was expecting to see something different. I didn't see Adam, and I made my decision, I don't ever want to see him again. I don't want him in my life anymore. I don't blame him for what happened, but I blame him for making her so uncomfortable that she felt the need to excuse herself because she believed me and Adams relationship was way more important at that moment. I also told Kinsley that I was gonna release music for her, and that's also another promise I'm gonna fight to keep.
I sat down on the couch and reached for my guitar. My hands and heart didn't even want to be around music, and that has never happened to me before. I wanted to lay down and just sleep forever. I reached for my songbook and opened to the first open and clear page.
"I think it's time I be honest." I wrote and said out loud.
"Hey." Luke popped his head through the door as I put my pen and guitar down.
"Are you busy?" He asked.
"No." I responded. He opened the door completely and made his way in. He sat down in the spinny chair across from me.
"How are you?" He asked.
"Im good." I replied short.
"You don't have to pretend Shawn." He quickly added. I started to spin my wedding band around on my finger. I was nervous, anxious. Only because I haven talked to anyone these past couple of days.
"I don't think I'll ever get better." I sighed.
"I feel like I lost a friend." Luke implied.
"Shitty ass feeling that's for sure." He rolled his eyes.
"Are you writing?" He asked looking at my notebook.
"Are you gonna release something about her?" He was asking me a lot of questions I didn't even know the answers too, so I did the best thing. I stayed quiet.
"I know music is the best way for you to channel your feelings. Tell how you feel in a song Shawn. It's really gonna help you heal." He explained. He was right. Music was my escape.
"You can talk about Kinsley and she's gone, but you don't have to make it directly that way. you can write a completely different song about a whole new situation that went wrong, but the feelings are still the same." Luke gave me the best idea I've ever heard when it came to writing music.
"Remember not every story presented is what it actually means. You can say one thing, but in reality this is what it really means. That's how you can protect and really make it come alive." He smiled.
"Kinsley told me that. Maybe her advice can help you." He sighed.
"Thank you. I appreciate it." I really did mean it.
"Now the real reason I came in here is because her attorney is here. She left a will. I thought you might to be there when he reads it." The thought she had to hear words she wrote down and her demands and requests were about to be spoken was only gonna make me even more of a mess. The both of us stood up as I followed him out the door and we both walked to her office upstairs. As he opened his door Philip and Sophie were already sitting down. Luke and I did the same thing. I sat next to Sophie as she reached for my left hand and held it. She knew I was in pain, and I knew she was in pain. If this was gonna comfort her through this loss, then I'm gonna be a man and help her through it.
"Genlemen." The attorney took off his glasses as he unfolded the fill from a big yellow envelope.
"I'm gonna keep this short because that's what she asked me to do." All of us nodded.
"If you're here in this room right now, you best believe you're someone special." He began to read.
"All my life I felt like I was constantly batting the tortures of my mind, but I also felt like that's all I've ever know. If any of you guys had the chance to describe me to anyone the first word would be sadness. You guys are right. Everyone has a different story, mine turned out to be the one people read and say this girl really needs to get over herself, and yet again. They're right. I don't have much to give. I've done enough to get what I have and deserve what I have. Sometimes I feel bad because all of you had to watch this girl go down from the beginning. There are some battles I just wasn't meant to win, and this is one of them." I felt Sophie squeeze my hand so tight as she shut her eyes and opened them as tears came rolling down her cheeks.

"Philip, I don't have much to say about you, but you're probably the most amazing guy that has ever worked for me. You didn't care if you didn't have money, you just wanted to live your dream, and I hope I was able to help you do that, so I'm leaving the label in your name." I looked at Philip as he placed his right hand over his eyes and bursted into tears.
"I don't need to tell you what do, you already know. You're in charge chief. Sophie I want all the money I have saved and current in your hands. Spend it well, by save it well, and help take care of this business for me. Thank you for being my sister, I'm sorry I let you down so many times. Im so so sorry." The attorney placed the paper down and wiped his eyes and continued reading.
"Luke, where do I begin? You're probably the biggest pain my ass in my office, but there's no one I trust more in my music making decisions than you. All deals, records, music ownership and making is yours. Everything Is already under your name. Take charge asshole." I glanced at Luke as he a sad smile on his face. He was trying to be strong.
"I hope one day we can all meet again. I hope one day we can all spread our wings together and laugh at everything only five year olds would laugh at. If Shawn is back in the picture, please note he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for showing me to love. I'll see you guys soon. Goodbyes aren't forever. Goodbyes aren't the end, they just mean I'm gonna miss you guys until I see you guys again. I love you guys, I'll see you guys someday again in the clouds." He slowly finished as he folded the will back up again and placed it back in the big yellow envelop.