Addicted

38 (Colby's POV)

If she would stop tracing a damn circle on the top of my hand with her damn thumb. How could the pad of her finger feel so good against my skin??

 "Next question." I said, wondering how much longer I could take this.

"Okay...can you tell me about Emilie? Who she was and how she died?"

 A sharp stabbing feeling went through my chest.

 I didn't wanna talk about Emilie. Ever. I wanted to keep it buried deep down below the surface, so far down that it could never be dug up again. I shook my head a little.

 "Can you stop doing that?" I motioned down to our hands and slipped mine away from hers. "It's very distracting."

She pulled her hands back to herself. "oh...sorry."

 I was getting irritated again, because the monster was starting to break free, chipping away at it's cage. I needed to take her back downstairs. Get some distance between us.

 "Emilie was my girlfriend. She was a beautiful, care free, soft spoken girl who I was head over heels in love with." I sighed heavily, and tried to rush through the parts of the story that I could tell her.

 My chest was aching with guilt and sorrow with every word I spoke, making it harder to keep the monster under control. My emotions always weakened me.

"We dated for a  couple of years, right after I moved to LA. Then I had that...altercation...that messed me and Sam up. I changed and Emilie didn't understand why. She broke up with me. I was a mess, taking my anger and problems out on everyone around me. I tried to talk to her several times. The first couple of times we talked, things didn't end well. Usually with us both screaming, and me being forceful with her. I didn't mean to, just couldn't control myself anymore." I dragged my hand through my hair again, pulling, needing the pain to distract me.

The monster was raging in my chest, so I kept my eyes averted from her.

 "She didn't want to see me after that. I stupidly went against her wishes, because I was just so messed up from not being with her, and waited outside her building for her one day. I begged her to talk to me. She complied, but wanted to come back to my place, since her roommate was home. I was so happy that she agreed to talk to me. We went back to mine and Sam's place, before we lived here, and had a good conversation. We ended up making up and one thing lead to another..."

No, I couldn't tell her that. I couldn't tell her that Emilie and I had make up sex, and I ended up biting her. I didn't mean to. I just wasn't used to being what I am yet, and I didn't know that my emotions were tied into feeding.

 I drained her. Right there on my bed in our old apartment. I killed my girlfriend, murdered her for my own selfish needs.

 I saw the life draining from her eyes, but I couldn't stop myself. I shook the old, hateful memories from my mind.

 I lied.

"We had sex, then she used my phone, finding another girl's messages in it. I had been cheating on her before. She left upset, driving back home, and she had an accident. It killed her on impact. It was my fault." My voice broke a little, and I hated it. I hated feeling vulnerable, or weak.

 I had taught myself how to shove all of this inconsequential crap down, so that I didn't break, so that I could be the so called leader that I needed to be. 

I hated telling Chloe that I cheated on Emilie. I would have never done that. I hadn't been serious with a girl since her and that had been 2 years ago.

Just sex and blood. That's all there ever was anymore. Hadn't even been interested in anyone...until Chloe.

I heard her sharp intake of breath, when I said that it killed her, and that it was my fault. Then I felt her small, warm hands on my face again, forcing me to meet her gaze.

 The monster roared inside of me, when I met her eyes. My emotions had made me weak again.

 "Colby, it wasn't your fault. We all make mistakes. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that." I stared into her eyes, feeling my own contracting, wanting to compel her, to take her, to taste her.

Her throat convulsed as she swallowed, holding my gaze. I'm not sure that she could look away if she wanted to. The monster was taking over, holding her in his grasp.

 My hands shot out, without my consent, grabbing her arms roughly and pulling her into my lap.

 "Ooh!" She gasped out, before I closed my mouth on top of hers.

I should stop. I needed to stop...but I didn't want to stop. The monster was purring it's approval now, coaxing me along.

 I fisted one hand in her hair, pulling her head back, breaking the kiss and exposing her throat to me. I licked one long line from her collarbone up to below her ear, hovering over her pulse point, before continuing.

The reasonable part of my brain was yelling at me to stop, shove her away, get up and leave, before it was too late. The monster roared, drowning that part out.

 I pulled her head back down, to look in her eyes. They were hooded, drunken even, with her lips swollen from my roughness. So fucking sexy.

 I shoved her backwards, making her fall against the bed, as I followed falling on top of her. She gasped as I literally ripped her shirt from her body, the material shredding as easy as paper.

 I trailed my tongue and lips over her curves, nipping and sucking alternately, before my teeth latched down hard enough to to bruise. She yelled out, just as I felt my fangs slipping  their way out, ready to puncture.

I worked my way up to her throat again, and felt her hands on my chest, pushing. I let my lips trail their way over her jaw, making my way to her pulse point.