LIFE HAPPENS WHEN YOUR MAKING PLANS

SANEM'S DILEMMA

Can and Sanem were on their second day at the hospital. They rarely left Deniz's bedside. She had still not woken up. Sanem was barely talking, barely eating and it was like she no longer existed. Can tried and tried to bring her out this, but he was having no luck. She blamed herself for all of this. She sat by Deniz's bed and held her hand. Can sat on the other side of Deniz and watched his wife. He felt he was losing her. She was slipping into some sort of depression right before his eyes. He felt helpless. He couldn't get through to her. He wondered if this is what happened the year he was gone. Is this how she ended up in the mental hospital? He vowed he wouldn't let that happen again. He had to do something to bring her back to herself. Emre, Leyla and little Guliz walked into the room just then. Guliz called out "sissy". She was in the habit of calling Deniz "sissy". Guliz said "sissy" seeping (sleeping). Guliz said wake up "sissy". She said "sissy" time to pay (play). Guliz started crying when Deniz wouldn't wake up. Guliz said mom mom, I kiss "sissy". Leyla bent down so Guliz could kiss Deniz. Deniz started moving a little in the bed. She called out for Guliz. Sanem and Can jumped up. Slowly, Deniz opened her little eyes. She smiled and said hi, "sis". She looked around and saw her momma and daddy. She told them hi. She looked at her momma and said why so sad, momma? Sanem smiled and told her she wasn't sad anymore. Sanem told her she was asleep for a long time. Deniz looked at her daddy and said, where am I? Can told her she was in the hospital. Deniz said why. Can told her she had an accident; he told her she feel in grandma Mihriban's swimming pool. Deniz said she didn't member (remember).

Can ran out and got a nurse to let her know Deniz had woken up. The nurse called the doctor. A short time later, the doctor entered the room. Deniz was sitting up in bed with Guliz beside her just chatting away. The doctor was amazed. All of Deniz's tests came back normal. He could not find a reason why the little girl did not wake up. But here she was alert and talking like nothing ever happened. The doctor said hello, Deniz. How are you feeling? Deniz said fine; wanna go home. The doctor OK. He looked at Can and Sanem. He told them she could go home but he wanted her watched very closely. Can said they could do that. The doctor OK then. I will get the discharge papers ready.

A couple hours later, Can, Sanem and Deniz were headed home. Sanem still said very little. Can decided when he got home, he would talk to his dad and Mihriban. He wanted some time alone with Sanem to try and bring her out of this depression she was in. They pulled into the driveway and exited the truck. Aziz, Mihriban, Nihat, Mevkibe, Leyla, Emre, Guliz and the twins were there to welcome them home. Can took his father aside to talk to him about Sanem. Aziz told him to go talk to her. The kids would be fine there with them. Can went to speak with Sanem. He held out his hand and said please come with me. Sanem looked at him for a minute and took his hand. They walked outside. They walked through the gate and headed towards the pier. Neither said anything. When they got to the pier, they sat down on the edge with their feet dangling. Can grabbed Sanem's hand again. He looked at wife who was looking out to the sea. Can told her to talk to him please. He asked you to tell him what she was thinking. Sanem was quiet for a few minutes. She then looked at her husband and said I don't think I can do this anymore. Can asked her do what. Sanem told him being a wife and mother. Can's heart dropped. Can asked her if she was telling him she was leaving him and their kids. Sanem told him it was dangerous to keep her around. She looked at Can and told him he needed to find a woman who could love him and care for their children, without causing them harm. Can told her he already had a woman for him and their kids....her. He told Sanem he did not want anyone else. Their kids needed her, not some other woman.

Sanem was quiet for a while. She looked at her husband with tears in her eyes and told him she was scared. She was scared of one of their children getting seriously hurt, just like Deniz did. She asked Can what would happen if one of them died because of her. Can raised his voice. He told her it was an accident. It could have happened to anyone, even him. He asked her what about Leyla. She was in the house with Sanem when the girls got out of the fence. He asked Sanem if it was him, would she blame him for what happened to Deniz. Sanem said of course not. He asked her why she was blaming herself then. He told her he blamed Mihriban for not having a fence around her pool. He told her he blamed himself for not making a secure enough fence to protect his children. He told her he blamed Leyla because she could have prevented it too. He then said he blamed Guliz because it was probably her idea. Sanem looked at him like he grew 2 heads. She asked him if he was going crazy blaming all these people. Can said yes, I am going crazy. He said he was going crazy because he is feeling his wife slipping away from him and he doesn't know what to do to stop it. By this time, Can had tears running down his face. He took both her hands and said please do not leave me. He told he wouldn't survive without her. Their babies needed their mother. He needed his wife. He did not want anybody else. He would not have anybody else. He told her you only fall in love once in your lifetime and I have already done that. He told her she was his heart...his half...his everything and he was nothing without her.

Sanem watched the expressions on her husband's face. She saw anguish, love, fear and confusion in his eyes. She loved this man with everything in her. She loved her babies more than life itself. But could she do this? Could she continue being a mother who protects her children? Sanem put her hands on both sides of his face. His tears were tearing her a part. She looked deep into his eyes and told him she would not leave him or their babies. She told him she loved him, even more than herself. She asked him to be patient with her while she learned to deal with this. She told him she believed him when he said it was an accident and it wasn't her fault. But she needed to deal with her feelings of guilt. Can smiled through his tears and told her OK. He said he would help her deal with it too. He was beside through everything in life. Sanem said I know. She told him she was sorry for even mentioning that she would leave. Can looked at her with a smile and said if you stay, I stay. If you leave, I leave. Sanem smiled at him and told him he was never going to quit saying that, was he? Can said nope. A smart woman told me this phrase a long time ago. He said when it came to her, he lived by this phrase.

They got up and walked hand in hand back home. When they arrived home, Mihriban told them while they were in the hospital, she had a security fence placed around her pool. It required a key to get in through the gate. Sanem hugged her with tears in her eyes. She thanked Mihriban. Mihriban told her how sorry she was that this happened. She should have had that fence put in a long time ago. Can told Sanem he was fixing the gate tomorrow. It would also require a key to get in or out. This would stop Deniz and Guliz from escaping again. Sanem hugged her husband and told him thanks. She also told him she loved him. Can whispered in her ear she could show him how much she loved him, once the kids were in bed. Sanem giggled and said your on.