(Book Two) My name is...well you know my name and I think I'm gay. No, I'm sure of it. I'm in love with my best friend. She is wild, reckless, and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I love her not just for her beauty but her soul. She pulled me...
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Chapter Eleven continued...
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We park across the street from the apartment and idle outside. I stare at it from my window. I'm afraid to go inside. Afraid to find Apollo and Ari together.
I turn to Charli, "Can we sit and talk for a little bit. I'm not ready to go in."
She nods her head.
She hasn't said much to me since we left the restaurant. I have no idea what she's thinking or if she even wants to see me again. I don't want to lose her. But I'm not ready to say the L-word.
"My ex-boyfriend messed with my head." I start. "He broke my trust and he hurt Ari. He did it for his own twisted reasons but also because of me. I think he might've known about her feelings for me before I did. He wanted her to stay away from me."
I look over to see her reaction. This is the first time I've talked about it out loud. It's difficult to find the words. I haven't even spoken with Ari about the night at her party. And I don't have the full story of what happened either, not her side of things. Our first week here she hadn't wanted to talk about it...just drink.
"And what's worse is I loved him. Or I thought I knew what love was. I believed we were meant to be and going to live happily ever after."
Charli is watching me intently. Saying it out loud now seems silly, but it's how I'd felt. I almost half expect her to chuckle at my naiveté.
"It was stupid and childish. I'd only known him a few months, but he was my first love and it felt real."
"What did he do?" She asks.
Of course, it's the first question she would ask, but I'm not comfortable saying. Especially since she knows Ari personally.
"I'd rather not talk about specifics. But I need you to understand, I'm not purposely trying to make you the bad guy. He is why I have trust issues. I want to trust you, I want to trust myself, but I don't want to make the same mistakes."
There's a long silence. I think she's waiting for me to finish, but I've said what I needed.
"Okay," She says. "I won't push you to say it if you're not ready. I was being selfish I wanted you to say it because...I love you and you love someone else."
