(Book Two) My name is...well you know my name and I think I'm gay. No, I'm sure of it. I'm in love with my best friend. She is wild, reckless, and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I love her not just for her beauty but her soul. She pulled me...
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I'd made Charli leave, so I could be alone to make better decisions.
I should be alone.
But I should also apologize. I get up from the floor and walk over to Ari's door. I raise my hand to knock but stop. Instead, I rest my ear against the wood. There's music lightly playing, and her shower is running. I glance at the door handle, there isn't a lock on her bedroom door.
The moment my hand touches the cool surface of the handle, several scenarios start playing out in my head. Not all of them completely innocent. Like what if she is about to get into the shower. Or what if she's out of the shower and wearing a towel?
Her room would still be steamy with the smell of her shampoo and soap. Her tan skin glowing and glistening with water drops. And what if her hair is cascading in damp waves down her shoulder. What would I do when her eyes met mine? What if she isn't wearing a towel?
I quickly back away and sit down on the couch. Then I stare at the door again. I could knock first there's nothing wrong with knocking. I walk over to the door to knock but hesitate. My knuckles hover only a few inches from the wood. Did she want to speak to me? What would I say?
I knock.
There's nothing.
I knock again.
I'm worried. I should probably check on her. Make sure she's alright. I put my hand on the doorknob and turn. I slowly ease open the door and peek my head inside. She's not in her room but in the bathroom. She has a bikini and some clothes laid out on her bed. Over the sound of running water, she is singing lyrics quietly and badly to an unfamiliar song. I've checked on her. She's alright.
I should leave.
But I want to hear what song she's singing first. I walk over to the bathroom door. Is it a sad song or like a happy song? Or maybe just like a whatever song? I grab the handle and put my ear to the door. I can't hear it very well. I look down at the handle in my hand. If I were standing inside the room with her, I could hear it.
Okay, I'm being ridiculous. She's in the shower, I know she's in the shower. I don't care what song she's listening to. And if I open the door...What reason do I have to open the door? How would she react? Would she be angry and kick me out? Or would she invite me in?
More images filter through my mind.
I let go of the handle and pace outside her door. I want to explain. And I want to know the truth, her truth. I want to go in now. Why should I wait? I place my hand on the handle again. I'll just make up an excuse.
I can't pretend I need to use the toilet. Gross. But I mean...I hadn't brushed my teeth yet. A memory implants itself in my head and plays on repeat. Ari staring at me through the mirror her eyes trailing down my body. The memory alone is making my heart race. I'm nervous. She makes me nervous.
