ANOTHER BOOK OF BS INSTEAD OF SLEEP

Dark Is Sad And Wants To Die

"What is a birthday wish you remember making as a child?

Write about what would've happened if that wish had come true."

I don't have fucking wishes. I don't deserve them. What's the fucking point? I can't do anything right. My friends hate me. Or ignore me. They don't care what I have to say because I have nothing valuable to say. They don't care about what I think. If I just disappeared, would anyone notice? If I killed myself, would anyone care? If I made myself disappear off the face of the planet, change my name, my entire appearance, contact info, cut off communication with everyone I know, would anyone notice? Ha. Probably not. No one knows me. The real me. Even the people closest to me don't fucking know me. It hurts. No one fucking cares. I wish I just died. I wish I'd never been fucking born. I'm a curse to everyone I know and I feel awful for existing. It's not fair to all the amazing people I know. Everyone deserves so much better.

Am I the entity of misfortune? Am I doomed to cause misfortune for everyone around me? Why does anyone talk to me ever?

Haha. People can't even remember my face, or my name. I'm not pretty. People just don't care enough to remember me.

Who am I?

I'm jealous.

I care so fucking much, I care what you think of me, I care what my friends and classmates think of me, I care what strangers think of me, I care so so so much it hurts and I'm stupid and I want people to like me but no one does not really. Some people can deal with me there's no one on this earth that will ever care about me as much as I care about them. No one will love me because I'm just fucking unlovable. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but people won't acknowledge what I'm saying ever unless I say something absolutely outrageous why am I so quiet???

I think I'll disappear one day. Just fade. Just like that.

One day, every single human on this planet will forget I ever existed. Even when within my lifetime. There just aren't enough people who'd care to remember me.

I don't belong.

I want to disappear and go insane and fall asleep until I rot away.