alexander- a.t

84. wednesday, january 2017

I've had this chapter sitting in my drafts for weeks. Enjoy!
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Alex stood facing the window with a glass of champagne in his hands. In six days he was turning thirty one. He looked out into the world and tried to figure out how many thirty one year olds would be down there. The thought sickened him or maybe it was the champagne he was gulping down.

He shoved his hand in his pocket and felt the circular object in there, playing with it and considering what to do with it. It had its purpose but Alex didn't have his, not anymore at least.

He had bought the ring a long time ago, before Alexandra, before he told anyone. When he saw it, he saw Luna, that's all he knew. It was the only thing keeping him going and the thought that he may never place it on her finger made his heart ache.

Turning away from the window and placing the empty glass on a nearby table, he walked out of the bedroom and back into the bustling party he didn't want to be at. All these twenty somethings wishing their life away, planning decades into the future. Alex never thought like that, of course he always thought he would marry Alexa until Luna, who he still hoped to marry.

His hopes were fading however, she was no where to be seen but he would wait until every person at this party was gone just in case. He wouldn't give up.

He stepped outside, onto the patio and breathed in the cold air before warming himself with a fag. It seemed to be the only thing to bring him satisfaction these days. With ease, he leant on the balcony bar and stared out again. He didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow, or the day after that or the one after that and usually that excited him but now he longed for routine and plans.

The countdown had begun and he didn't mind in the slightest that he was alone. He leant against the balcony ledge and watched everyone in the garden, coupled up and ready to kiss as the new year is entered. The thought crept into his mind that she would be down there, probably kissing Jen if she brought her.

A hand brushed his shoulder, causing him to turn around in surprise. She was in front of him.

"Alex." She breathed. He looked her up and down, she was wearing a small silver dress that hugged her in all the right places. Almost instantaneously, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

"What are you doing? It's freezing out here." He ignored the look on her face. It was distraught and pitiful so he didn't look at it.

"Alex." She said again. He met her eyes and licked his lips.

"Luna." He breathed or gasped, "I'm sorry." was all he could muster. "I'm so sorry" his words collapsed around him .

"Alex." She tried to speak but he wouldn't let her.

"I made all the wrong decisions. I should've understood why you were feeling the way you did. I know you've had shitty boyfriends in the past, even I've been shit to you in the past and I said things I didn't mean and then I didn't fucking turn up for Christmas..." He rambled. Luna closed her eyes and shook her head, trying not to cry before she cut him off.

"Alex, I'm sorry. I should've just believed you when you said you didn't want her. I didn't trust you, I was jealous. Yeah I've had a bad past with cheating but that doesn't mean I should assume you're going to. That's not fair on you." She responded.

They stood staring at each other before Alex put his hand in his pocket, he fiddled with the ring incessantly and debated in his head what to do.

"I miss you." He said but he hated how weak it made him seem. Luna didn't see that in him though, she saw a man who stood up for himself when he knew what he was doing.