Balance of the Skies (bxb)

CHAPTER 35

Lorien spent the first week back home cleaning around the house and garden. He did not care if it was raining or not, he would still go out to spend some time among the flowers and plants that his grandmother loved so much. He always felt calm there, even though his thoughts were nothing but a clutter and his feelings a mess.

His friends never left him alone. One or the other would text him or call and on Friday night, he had asked his four closest friends to come over. They had gladly accepted but opted to order take out rather than have him cook a meal, even though this would have occupied some of his time. He was constantly searching for things to do, for his mind to be thinking of something else other than Koray, for his heart to be feeling something else other than broken.

He also had trouble sleeping as the dream was now haunting him night after night. In his dream, he no longer looked in the mirror now but always at the painting – the painting that was the cause of his break up with Koray. Now he hated it so much that he had not bothered to bring it home, but had asked the principal to dispose of it, leaving the man open-mouthed, not knowing how to respond to his request.

There was one place he had wanted to visit yet was afraid to do so. He kept postponing until he knew he had to do this. So, early one Sunday morning, he made his way to the cemetery to visit his grandmother's grave. He took just one sunflower from the garden with him, together with matches for the lanterns.

As he approached, he was surprised to see that the three lanterns were lit and that his grandmother's frame and the marble tombstone were clean, even though it had rained constantly all week. And right in the middle, lay the most beautiful bouquet of sunflowers, expertly wrapped in a yellow ribbon. Yellow was his grandmother's favourite colour. She always said it was a happy colour, vibrant and of course, it is the colour of the sun, Lorien thought. He was touched that his friends had taken care of his grandmother's resting place in his absence and he made a mental note to thank them. It's probably Zana, he thought, this would be her idea. He knew the boys were not much into bouquets and that sort of stuff, but Drey would surely know from where to obtain such beautiful flowers, due to his landscaping business. He crouched down and placed his one sunflower next to the rest.

Grandmama, this flower represents me, how I feel right now. I'm so alone and I miss you so much.

A tear slipped down his cheek and he let it slide unbothered.

Are you disappointed, Grandmama? Have I disappointed you? I let it happen, Grandmama... I lost the fire within... the one thing you told me not to let happen.

He blinked as more tears fell down but he did not wipe them away. He didn't want to.

I am not worthy to take your place, Grandmama... maybe on the Council, but as Head of the Clan of the Sun? Surely not...

He paused, looked around, then continued with his thoughts.

I – I also left school, Grandmama. I can never go back there, even if he is not there. I could not walk through those corridors again without seeing him, hearing his voice.

He took a deep breath.

I still love him, Grandmama. I love Koray so much, yet I never got to tell him and he – he hates me. I don't blame him. Now he's going away to America and... I know it's better this way. I will try to get stronger, Grandmama, I just wish I could sleep at night. I just wish the dream would stop.

He just stayed there in the silence for a few more minutes, then stood up and walked slowly away, feeling empty.

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