familiar

chapter 28

"so wait his kids really shot at yall?!" maddie asked jax once they got back. they were sitting in his dorm as he filled her in on everything, they were being quiet so people who didnt need to know wouldnt hear.

"yeah. theyre both racist little shits like weston. the younger one wasnt as bad. child protective services took both of them. zobelle is a fuckin rat so were going to have to wait to take care of him."

"damn. i hate that then kids were raised that way with such a toxic monster as their role model. hopefully they'll get good people to take care of them and break them out of that cycle and fucked up way of thinking."

"yeah. i love that about you babe, your heart. its so pure. were going to finish everything tomorrow."

"a part of me wants to go and do it. but i know i cant go and not even sure if i could kill him. i could definitely hurt him that i know i could do... i feel like he needs to suffer for gem... if i would have said something instead of hiding it then she wouldnt have been assaulted to."

"i dont think so maddie. theyre sick fucks and probably would have done it anyway. dont blame yourself at all i know you are... im sorry for everything."

maddie nodded but still felt she could have saved gemma from the pain. "im sorry you went through that on your own and the miscarriage, i should have-"

"ill be okay. honestly never planned on telling you. well i was going to tell you about the baby when you showed up before.. before you left. but i planned on taking everything else to my grave, i hated lying to you when i was driving back to tacoma. obviously i didnt go to joys, i went to the clinic when i got there. i stopped at the first truck stop far enough away and took a shower in my clothes. told the clinic it happened at the truck stop on my road trip. then i drank for two days straight. joy showed up and tossed me in the shower, i realized how long id been out of it just to realize you hadnt called or anything. i was hurt but glad because it was easier not telling you if i hadnt talked to you. i told her that day what i told the clinic and about the baby. she got rid of my alcohol but i got more. after you showed up and left i stayed drunk for i don't know how long. i sat there smoking while i looked at pictures and videos of abel. i didnt understand. i had no idea what i did wrong to deserve it. either everything you said that night was completely true and i was stupid as hell. or everything was real for the both of us and i didnt understand what i done to push you away or what. i was depressed. mainly because i missed abel. sorry baby but i could, eventually get over not having you but my heart ached for him. dont get me wrong it did for you to but i screamed and would cry at night until i lost my voice because i lost him. i felt so stupid for caring so much. i changed my locks, got stronger ones, because they did say theyd find me again. and i had no idea who my dad actually was so i knew i needed to protect myself. i got killer and installed the alarm system. i started working out before work, hours after work. thats all i did really. it kept me from fully spiraling. it got to where i would look at the pictures and cry but i didnt scream for him. i just hoped he was okay. i would wonder some nights what you were doing and if you were safe. then it would pop in my mind what you most likely were doing and id pull out the stronger shit to drink. scott had me working in his office doing books instead of bartending. he didnt want to put me in any type of situation where i could be triggered. it was a good thing but not because being at the bar bothered me due to my assault, i would think about the first night we met. or the other couple times you came in when you were here. i broke down when gemma called me, i hated blocking everyone here out but i needed to survive. there was so many times I wanted to call or drive down here to ask you why. but i couldnt bring myself to do it. i kept telling myself that i hated you, that i didn't care hoping i would wake up one day and it would be true. at first anytime i heard a bike i would lose my breath and look hoping it was you and each time it never was. then i would get angry when i would hear one."

jax listened knowing she probably wouldnt talk about it again. he cried as she spoke because he knew she was hurting and he was the main cause of it.

"the day i came back to my house to see all the bikes out front, i looked for yours. i was scared something had happened to you but when i seen it i knew you were okay and got mad. i didnt even see my dads sitting there. jesus seeing him in a kutte was insane. i instantly knew who he actually was from what you all said about the tacoma killer. i was trying to wrap my head around the fact that hes my daddy who always was so gentle, loving and the best but also a son, what he does. i never introduced anyone to him fast, if we would have still been together either i would have seen him in charming or you would have met him a couple months from now, which would kind of be funny. i wonder how he would have reacted finding out i was with you but without everything else thats happened." she chuckled.

he kissed the side of her head "im so sorry maddie. i pushed you away and hurt you trying to keep you safe when youd had already been hurt. i dont deserve to even have you here next to me after what ive done to you and caused."

"its not your fault jax. im good. i wont lie i had nightmares for a while, still do. the shit they said repeats on a loop in my mind, theres shit thats happened that sends me right back to that warehouse but ill be okay. dont blame yourself, im sure my dad does to. yall shouldnt."

"i dont know what they said but whatever it is, is not true. please know that. i can only imagine with how sick those bastards are but please dont believe any of it. i know it wont miraculously heal you but i hope it makes things better somehow knowing that after tomorrow weston will be dead. zobelle we are going to take down and he'll get whats coming to him in lock up. the others will be right next to them six feet under. i wont rest until theyre all taking care of for doing that to you, and my mom. i want to help you maddie. i dont know how but im here. i will do anything to help you get through this." jax hugged her close.

"ill be okay jax. and it helps knowing that they wont get away with it. i know they wont be able to do that to anyone else."

maddie buried herself into jax side finding comfort being in his arms. jax felt like his world was complete with maddie in his arms and their son asleep next to them on the bed.

jax put his finger under her chin to get her to look at him. "i love you " he told her when her eyes locked on his. maddie smiled "i love you."