familiar

chapter 32

"do you have to go?" jax asked maddie wrapping his arms around her waist.

maddie sighed as she turned to look at him "yeah babe I do. it's only for a week at the most."

jax started pouting "a week is a long time babe."

laughing she lightly kissed his nose "you're cute when you pout you know? I think you'll survive. you've been on runs longer than that."

"that's cause you're strong. me and abel we wont survive without you here."

"wow. now that's a far reach. you'll be fine. absence makes the heart grow fonder, isnt that the saying? yall need the bonding time. plus we both know gemma will be over here everyday to make sure you survive."

"now I see why you hate me going on runs. I'm gonna worry and miss the hell out of you. what if I lose abel? or he chokes? what if he doesn't go to sleep for me, yall have a schedule I dont know it. I'm gonna mess him up mads. im not as good with him as you are."

maddie took his face in her hands "jackson you listen to me and you listen well, you are an amazing father! dont ever doubt that. you wont lose him, is he going skip crawling and learn how to walk in the next few days? no. atleast I hope not. you've fed him before by yourself this is no different. he goes to sleep for you now right? I wrote down our schedule, it's not an exact time thing just around that time, except his bath always between eight and eight thirty. use the lavender and vanilla lotion it helps sooth him. he normally goes to bed by ten unless he doesnt feel good or his gums hurt. when he wakes up at night change his diaper before you feed him, if you do it after he will fight going back to sleep. make sure you feed yourself to. jax you act like you've never been alone with your own son before. you given him his bath before and put him to bed. you know what to do all day with him just as much as I have. and you are good with him. you're just selling yourself short."

"but you are always here to hell me when I cant do it or when he doesnt want me. hes a mamas boy."

"that he is. I have to go. let me go say bye to him."

jax watched as maddie left their room and went into abels. walking to stand in the door way he watched as maddie looked over a sleeping abel. she just stared at their son with a smile on her face, studying him, remembering every detail like she wouldnt see him again or he would drastically change over the next week. he could see the love maddie had for abel, thankful for that. some woman wouldnt take on a step child, let alone adopt them from the very beginning. but his maddie did, she loved abel before she even met him, seen him as her own. even after everything jax put her through she was still abels mother. abel deserved maddies love, more than anything. jax felt that sometimes he didn't deserve her, she still was to good for him. she accepted him, this life and all his faults but he still felt like she deserved more. he hoped and planned on doing everything he could to give her what she deserved and make her happy for the rest of her life.

"hes not going to grow into a man before you get back. he will still look the same."

maddie looked up at him with tears in her eyes and smiled "oh hush. I'm going miss him. last time left didnt memorize it all and.. nevermind. I'm just going to miss you both." she leaned down to kiss abels head before walking out.

jax knew what she stopped herself from saying, last time she left she didnt see abel for a couple months. she lost him before but that was not going to happen again.

jax pulled maddie into his arms, her head laid on his shoulder as she tried not to ball like a baby "I'm sorry. I know you're used to being with him everyday. I'll send you ten million pictures it will be like you're just at work. dont worry I'll send you pictures of my face to, so you dont forget about me either." he joked trying to cheer her up.

maddie laughed and pulled back to wipe her eyes. "yeah yeah I cant help it. hes going forget me and learn so much I already know it will happen and I could never forget about you Jackson."

"oh babe. we are both going to miss you. abel could never forget you, YOU are his mama. hell it's the only word he says."

jax leaned down to grab her bag "you have your guns right?" he reached for the door.

"yes. I have this one, one in the truck, and one in my bag." she said pulling her shirt up to show the one on her hip.

jax opened her truck door and put her bag in before opening her driver door for her

"I love you mads. please be careful and call me when you stop."

"I love you. I'll be extra careful, dont worry ill call." she kissed him before getting in the truck and backing out, she waved to him as she put the truck in park and drove off.

jax wanted to go with her to arizona or atleast have the prospect go but she refused. he could hear her "jax I'm a big girl. I will be fine, dont worry." she told him when he kept telling her someone needed to go. he didnt want to bring up what happened with Weston but he was scared something would happen and she would get hurt again.

he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach, he hoped it was nothing but knew he wouldnt feel one hundred percent okay until maddie was back home and in his arms.

I know this is short again but I didnt want to put this and what will being in the next chapter all in one. it would be extra long and I feel like it would need break at some point, this is the best pause. thanks for being patient I knows it's been a while since I updated this but I'm slowly working on it! I hope everyone is still enjoying it! yall stay safe with everything going on!